This week there's some serious product placement for the 90 second Uncle Ben microwaveable rice. It's funny watching real cooks, seeing how they have to read the directions because they usually make their own pro, amazing rice. But I know that shiznit by heart and could school them in rice microwaving. I would've won the Quickfire and gotten immunity for sure.
The fact that Antonia won the Quickfire bugs me. Reality TV is so bittersweet. When the people I like win, it's fantastic, and when people I hate win, I want to scream at my television. Well, here I am, screaming. Figuratively, of course.
Elimination challenge: A meal for four that costs no more than $10. Hello, Betty Crocker Complete Meals. You can get four of them for $10. And they're supposed to feed quite a few people. Done, a dozen people fed.
Also, I would hate to work at the Whole Foods in Chicago. Watching the cooks slave at the register trying to get their food under $10 would be tedious. Then again, I would get to meet the contestants, so it would be a decent trade-off.
I don't know how I feel about kids being in the kitchen with the chefs. I mean on the one hand, they help out, but they have to have things explained to them. And they probably got in the way, and I mean kids are annoying in general. Good thing Chef Tom was there to make sure the kids did stuff, or else I'm sure some people would be like me and just tell them to stay out of the way and watch.
Yet again, a judge is missing this week. No Ted is annoying, but hey, Gail is here. Kind of frustrating.
And here we are again. Antonia winning twice in one episode is like a nightmare. Would've been nice to see Andrew win. Sigh.
I like how in the bottom three Mark called Gail out on saying his dish didn't have enough protein. Maybe it tastes bad, but vegetarian dishes should be valid every now and then. Well played, Mark. Maybe you're not the best cook, but you're a character.
Stephanie is in the bottom again. This is ruining my theories, Bravo!
I feel bad for Mark going home. Honestly, I think Stephanie did the worst. I think they give Stephanie a bit more credit because she won a few challenges. And Padma, even though you sent Mark home instead of Lisa (who I dislike), we should still get married. I won't hold a grudge.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Top Chef -- Common Threads
Saturday, April 26, 2008
An Old Dog with Older Tricks
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay || IMDb
This Friday, Harold and Kumar have returned to the big screen. Unfortunately, where the first movie gave us original, comedic characters with an obsession with White Castle, this movie falls short. Instead of the characters being driven by themselves, by the craving, they are forced to be on the move. Plot controlling characters is always less interesting than the characters controlling themselves.
This time around our heroes get thrown into the Cuban prison Guantanamo Bay after Kumar can't resist smoking on an airplane and his bong is confused for a bomb. After some minor plot (can it even be called that?) developments, they escape and are on the run to Texas, where a dude marrying Kumar's ex-girlfriend can get their records cleared. The movie falls short because all this setup is is an excuse to put the protagonists in a series of uncomfortable instances that were almost all done better in the first movie.
The movie has two jokes. The first is the racism joke. This time we're not limited to a few lines against our Korean and Indian characters, but a majority of the scenes have stereotypes being exploited, and not in a humorous way. For example, a racist investigator (or, whatever he is, played awfully by Rob Corddry) attempts to torture a black witness by pouring a can of grape pop on the ground. But this isn't failure enough -- we see the joke of the black neighborhood being intelligent people (an orthodontist, for example) before the movie even hints at it. Why? Because those jokes have been done long before. And to count these scenes would be futile as they take up a majority of the film.
There are a few laughs, almost all of them coming from Neil Patrick Harris playing Neil Patrick Harris (NPH). He single-handedly steals the movie from Harold and Kumar. He's got more screen time than in the first movie, and it's all put to good use. So much that we are left thinking, I wish we followed NPH for the 102 minutes, instead.
If you've seen the original, there will be no curve balls this time around. If you haven't, watch the original instead and don't bother with this miserable sequel.
Rating: 3/7
Thursday, April 24, 2008
In Theaters April 25
Is it summer yet? It sure feels like it -- though in Florida it starts to feel like summer mid-February. At least we're getting some big name movies in theaters April 25th.
Baby Mama || IMDb
I wanted to see this until I realized it wasn't written by Tina Fey, it just stars her. Mean Girls and 30 Rock, great. SNL, not too bad these days. Baby Mama... pass.
Rating: Rental
Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay || IMDb
The first time I watched the original, I didn't like it. A month ago I bought the DVD. It grew on me (though some scenes still just make me cringe). Though this sequel is bound to be a bit inferior, same writers translates to a solid experience. That is, if you enjoyed the original.
Rating: Opening Weekend
Deception || IMDb
Interesting trailer, but bound to flop. Just take my word for it. Sometimes you just know.
Rating: Download
Jon's Pick of the Week: Harold and Kumar
DVD Release of the Week: The Savages
Side note: One Missed Call has a 0% on Rottentomatoes after 65 reviews. Hilarious.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Top Chef -- Improv
What's the best part of every Wednesday? Well, it was Big Brother until the smart people were evicted and the morons made it to the end. Now, it's Top Chef.
The Quickfire Challenge this week was to make a dessert. How about that excessive product placement of the new Top Chef cookbook? Either way, all those desserts looked delicious. I'm sure even the 'bad' ones tasted good. I mean, no matter how you mix bananas, chocolate, and sugar, how could it taste bad? Richard wins immunity again -- yawn.
Thank God they didn't have the chefs go up on stage and do improv themselves at the comedy club. That is what the preview made it out to be. Improvising with food, that's okay. Chef doing improv comedy? Yikes. I really don't like Lisa for being like, "Well, even though they gave us Polish Sausage, I'm not doing it, we're doing something else." Grow up. You're in a competition with rules.
About Yellow Vanilla Love, "I would lick my bowl if we weren't in front of camera." Oh, Padma. I think we need a 'greatest Padma hits' Youtube compilation. I can't be the only person who'd want that, am I? Someone more technology-savvy needs to get on that. That way I can watch the video to pass time until I marry the real thing.
I do like all the weird techniques Dale has, from his homeland or wherever. I also like that he cusses a lot and is kind of a jerk. Go, reality TV.
I'm kind of annoyed Dale and Richard won the elimination challenge -- granted their dish was good but they've both won before, so I wanted to see Spike win one. Also, since he made a soup, him winning with that and rubbing it in Antonia's face would've been amazing.
Chef Tom is awesome, when Antonia said, "Well from now on..." and Tom says, "If there is a from now on." Putting contestants back in their place is fantastic.
Also, I like how you can tell what will happen in reality TV by the editing. Mark and Nikki were barely in this episode, so I knew they would not be in the top or bottom, but the middle where they don't show up later.
I almost had a heart attack when Stephanie was in the bottom two. Well, maybe that is a hyperbole, but she's my favorite to win and her going home this early would ruin my predictions! I'm glad Jen went, also because that means I don't have to keep hearing, "I'm doing this for Zoi" twenty times per episode.
Well, we'll be back next week.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
In Theaters April 18
We are in for a slightly better week at the movies this time around. There can only be so many bad movies made per year, right? One could only hope, but I don't think that's ever been proven true. Nonetheless, here is what is in theaters for April 18th.
The Forbidden Kingdom || IMDb
I can't tell whether this is supposed to be a parody or the real thing. I'm guessing the latter. Not really too much to say here -- if you like martial arts movies you will enjoy this, if not, then you will not.
Rating: Dollar Theater
88 Minutes || IMDb
Early reviews on Rottentomatoes show this one to be very bad, which confirms my assessment from the trailer that it will be very bad. Unfortunately not even Al Pacino can stop this train wreck. I think we need Keanu Reeves. See what I did there? I made a 'Speed' joke. Because Keanu was in 'Speed' and it was about stopping a vehicle. And that goes with my train wreck analogy.
Rating: Download
Forgetting Sarah Marshall || IMDb
I am really, really over the '40 Year-Old Virgin' and 'Knocked Up' hype. Any time I see those mentioned as a selling point in a preview I immediately go flaccid, which is saying a lot since this movie stars Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis. Let's be real -- it will be amusing, have some eye candy, but ultimately fall short of memorable. I think I'll just watch 'Knocked Up' again.
Rating: Dollar Theater
Jon's Pick of the Week: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (sadly)
DVD Release of the Week: Juno!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Top Chef -- Tailgating
Top Chef -- what a night. A Quickfire Challenge pairing food with beer? How could one go wrong? Kind of frustrating seeing Jennifer win, avenging the elimination of her girlfriend. When people succeed and get revenge it's so disappointing to me. I like to see failure. Spike said it best, though. "Yah, lesbians!"
The tailgating at the Bears game was a fun concept. It was disappointing to see the drama dwindling down, though now we all know Spike is gay for Mark. I mean, seriously, what straight guys take bubble baths together? Also, very funny when Ryan admitted to being a pretty metro boy. It brings me joy when reality TV characters confirm my suspicions.
Of course, Ryan ended up going home. What a joke. Sure his dish wasn't traditionally tailgate food, but at least he didn't, A) lick his spoon then continue serving with it, or B) run out of a main ingredient. This annoys me greatly.
Stephanie was in the top for both the Quickfire and Elimination challenge, again. She is still a favorite to win. However, I think the judges purposely try to divide up who wins, because people are consistently up top and the best, but lesser people win to discourage monotony. Sad.
Also, what the HELL at the poll? "Who would you rather play touch football with?" Padma, Tom, or 'Myself.' I was predicting about 89% Padma, and 11% Myself (which is coincidentally how I imagine my kids with Padma turning out), but Tom got 50% of the votes. The only explanation is a majority of women viewers and him being the default choice.
Padma in a jersey with gloves and a ponytail = lovable.
And I haven't said this before, but, I like Gail. She's a good judge.
Also unsaid previously, I'm going to marry Padma Lakshmi.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Rock of Love 2 Wrap-Up, or: How to Pick Reality TV Winners
A long time ago I was watching The Bachelor finale with some friends, and despite what all of them thought, I went against their opinions and guessed correctly. You can get a full recap on my personal blog here.
What I've realized is that if you watch just the finale episode, or even the last half hour, you get a much clearer view than someone who has become tainted by the whole season. Tonight I walked in on the last twenty minutes of Rock of Love 2, which my cousin and his girlfriend watch religiously.
The last two contestants were Ambre and Daisy. Both my cousin and his 'gf' wanted Daisy to win and were sure of it. Of course anyone who watches the show knows Ambre won. Here was the easy way to tell:
A) Editing is everything in reality TV. Before the commercial it showed Bret saying lots of negative things about Ambre. This is easy to see coming, since reality TV tries to be 'shocking' more than anything.
B) Bret talked a lot about the mistake he made last season. I didn't watch it, but one can assume he went for the typical rock 'n roll girl and it didn't work out. That's Daisy this season, whereas Ambre is more 'real.'
C) Ambre doesn't have all these ugly tattoos, and is more of a compliment to Bret than an addition.
D) Daisy was naturally 'hotter' (I mean she was a stripper), but Bret slept with her, so time to move on.
And for those four reasons, the winner was fairly obvious to me. Reality TV isn't too hard to predict if favoritism is swept aside and you look at it objectively. Keep that in mind next time you have a pool going.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
In Theaters April 11
It looks to be another deadpan week for the movies. When will it technically be 'summer' so we can get those huge blockbusters? Give me the next Batman already! Nonetheless, here is what is in theaters April 11.
Prom Night || IMDb
Even the worst, worst horror movies, in the trailer, manage to have some jump-out-scary moments that catch the viewer off guard. Prom Night fails to do even that. At least give me some trick camera angles. Or zombies. I like zombies. The only reason I can understand seeing this is for Brittany Snow, who was hot when she guest starred in Nip/Tuck, and also in Hairspray. Plus, she was born in Tampa, Florida, so that's always a plus. But if you use that logic, I guess you could, you know, watch Nip/Tuck or Hairspray....
Rating: Not If They Paid You
Street Kings || IMDb
I'm glad to see a movie with a fresh plot that has not been done a million times before. Oh, wait.... Novelist James Ellroy takes to doing screenplays. He wrote the novel 'L.A. Confidential,' which was turned into a great movie. But not by him. He should stay away from Hollywood. Instead, director David Ayer should stick to writing, where he at least has some notoriety (Harsh Times, Training Day). And Keanu Reeves should stick to Bill & Ted, obviously.
Rating: Download
Smart People || IMDb
Ellen Page will draw many viewers to this new movie because of her success in Juno. Sadly, people will see this movie for the wrong reason. Granted, there looks to be plenty of cliches and a happy ending, but I'm sure there will be witty moments. Thomas Haden Church is always memorable (his role in Sideways is one of my favorites in recent years), and Dennis Quaid is charming in most roles. Except Vantage Point. Did anyone even see that movie?
Rating: Dollar Theater
Jon's Pick: Smart People (it's in limited release, though)
DVD Release of the Week: There Will Be Blood (rent, don't buy -- the special edition has shit features and the regular one doesn't even have a real case)
Charity:Water "Ethiopia" redux
I will be away from the blog until april 30th due to a last minute trip to Ethiopia. I am going to be working with Charity:Water as a videographer, visiting 33 villages that have no clean drinking water. We will be taking home the information, pictures and video to be the cornerstone of a fundraiser whose goal is to raise 1.5 million dollars to provide clean drinking water for at least 150,000 people.
check out Charity:Water at
www.charityis.org
peace
PS: This is now Jeremy adding to Danny's post...here is Charity:Water's public service announcement (yes that is Jennifer Connelly). Danny told me that he plans on writing some entries while he is over there, so keep reading!!!
Top Chef -- The Elements
Another great episode of Top Chef this week. These episodes are why I watch reality TV. First for the Quickfire Challenge the contestants had to taste ingredients blindfolded and say which is more expensive. It's crazy how some things were so different, i.e. $72 bottle of sake vs. $5.00. It'd be fun to try and see if I can beat some of them. Probably, I mean I could hit half of them and beat Stephanie. Maybe I should be a cook?
Antonia winning the challenge was really lame because she probably would've gone home. Stupid immunity.
The Elimination Challenge was kind of lame. The different elements? How original.
I think the Fire team did make the best dish, with the shrimp and spices and bacon. It annoys me though that Lisa was the winner, because all she did was make bacon. And yet again, Stephanie was on the winning team. She's going to win fo sho.
The Air team, well, their dish looked good, but I think it's funny how, because of time, they didn't even see the judges' table.
I liked the Earth team because my boy Spike is on it. Sure he's not the best cook but he's funny and seems like he'd be fun to hang out with. I'm glad Zoi went instead, because it was funny seeing Spike yell at Antonia since she took control even though she had immunity. Also, I like how the guest judge mentioned the soup idea (Spike's) was genius. Owned.
I think team Water just failed miserably. Boring dish, scales in the salmon. Come on. They get an F.
Great end of the episode. Lots of cussing and kicking of chairs and bitching and tears? LOVE IT. Plus, Padma looked gorgeous, so I'll let her marry me when the time comes.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Thats The News?
Another installment of the series whose name changes slightly each time...mostly because I don't have the tenaciousness to go look at the last installment to see the official name. But basically I try to make funny with the news headlines on CNN. mostly I fail....but sometimes I hit it, and thats what we in the business live for....we call em slammies and boy do they ever hitcha on the funny bone....SLAMMIES!
1. Turkey Fight In The Road Filmed By State Trooper
Turkey fight...and we ain't talkin about an argument over whose picking up the booze tab between Jack Nicholson and Robert De Niro at the AARP Hollywood Bingo night. Am I Right? Anyone?
2. Racy Sex Scene Awkward With Good Friend
Rosie Perez said it was awkward to film a steamy sex scene with John Leguizamo....her good friend. At this point it's probably awkward to film any movie scenes...the last time i saw her in a film she was telling Woody Harrelson to stop street balling with Wesley Snipes...and I was like 5 when that came out, and they had a steamy sex scene...also before I was born I remember when she had a steamy sex scene in that Spike Lee film. She should make a movie called Steamy Sex Scene. Well, If "The Take" doesn't do so well, look for "Steamy Sex Scene" straight to Blu-Ray.
3. Moby Wants You On The Dance Floor!
Moby is apparently very demanding....the first line of the article goes like this:
"Moby just wants you to dance. Shake your booty. Get jiggy with it. Throw your hands in the air like you just....well, you get the idea."
I don't have much to say about Moby, save that he is amusing looking to me.
But i do have this to say, CNN; when you are done spending your time with these type of introductions...there is a man out there blogging online that you could nearly as good as that. Here's what I would have said, for example:
"Moby might be more than a man, he might be a machine....a dance machine..from the future...and he may have just reprogrammed your brain...to get on the damn floor. Well, shithead, who are you to disobey the MobyBot, huh?"
CNN...you can contact me at 407.555.1234, just kidding, thats a movie phone number...but don't let that stop you, I am available...starting now.
until next time...
Sunday, April 6, 2008
R.I.P. Charlton Heston
Tonight I spent the evening watching 'Blood Diamond.' Sadly, when I returned online, Yahoo!'s main story was that Charlton Heston has died. He was 84.
It's always sad when a legendary screen actor dies, even if one isn't too familiar with their work. For me when I hear 'Charlton Heston' I immediately think of 'Planet of the Apes' and 'Ben-Hur,' two great movies. Of course, he's been in many, many other movies (numerous sites mention 'The Ten Commandments,' which I have not seen). I'm a bit too young, but I'm sure my parents are taking this hard. Either way, R.I.P. one more legend from the golden age of Hollywood. Yippee for morbid news.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Make Me A Supermodel -- Pre-Finale
Before today I'd only seen a couple episodes of Bravo's new series, Make Me A Supermodel. I didn't like it much because I do not like the concept of uninformed America choosing who wins. Granted, the judges choose a bottom 3 for America to pick from, but that's weak.
Today I watched a marathon so I could be prepared for the finale tonight. I'm prepared for America to fail again, but hopefully they think smart and pick Holly as the winner. Let's get a preview.
Why does America fail so badly? How about when Shannon had one bad week and was in the bottom two against Ronnie. Both had one challenge win under their belt. However, this was the first time Shannon was in the bottom. It was Ronnie's fourth. Yes. Fourth. And because Ronnie is the funny gay guy, Shannon was voted off. What an awful decision.
And now it is down to the final four. Let's run some stats.
Holly: 4 Wins (including the 3 most recent), 1 Bottom Three
Perry: 1 Win, 1 Bottom Three
Ronnie: 1 Win, 4 Bottom Three
Ben: 1 Win, 4 Bottom Three
I could deal with Perry winning. I think he's great. But Holly is by far the best, yet for some reason I can't stop anticipating Ben or Ronnie will pull an undeserved win. Well, we'll see in 2 hours.
In Theaters April 4
It's that time of the month again. No, wait. Week. That time of the week again. Yes, that is what I was aiming for. It looks like this week may be a gamble. Last week I gambled on '21' and lost miserably. Let's see if we can do better this week.
Leatherheads || IMDb
I like George Clooney. Who doesn't, right? Plus I have a small man-crush on John Krasinski, and seeing him on Leno a few days ago solidified that, while this movie has some things going for it, we're looking at a bench warmer movie at best. Though it's only a few reviews, the movie has scored low on both Rottentomatoes and IMDb. 'Good Night and Good Luck.' was a great film, but here, well, let's wait for George's next round at directing.
Rating: Download
Nim's Island || IMDb
A little better, though I think children's movies have a bit of an advantage. It seems like they get more leeway from critics because the subject matter doesn't have to be as mature. But then again, a good movie is a good movie. I think this one will safely be 'enjoyable but not memorable.'
Rating: Dollar Theater
The Ruins || IMDb
I'm kind of partial to this one, but only because I've been on a horror movie kick. But, A) the movie is rated R, so that's a start, and B) it looks to branch a bit beyond typical 'dead teenager movies.' Those two criteria put it immediately above most horror movies released recently, so there you go.
Rating: Theater
Shine a Light || IMDb
A documentary about the Rolling Stones. Basically, if you like the Rolling Stones, you'll like this. If not, then not.
Rating: Dollar Theater
Jon's Pick of the Week: The Ruins
DVD Release of the Week: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Top Chef -- Film Food
Honestly, what better theme could there be, for me, than film food? Picking a movie and using it to inspire a dish? Pretty smooth. Though, granted, it's not as exciting as it sounds.
But I'm jumping ahead. The Quickfire Challenge was entertaining, with the contestants required to make a dish of vegetables to show off skill sets. Yay for Top Chef sticking to challenges that actually measure skill!
Dale's was the best and I'm pleased he won. Sure, like ______ said (okay, I can't remember which contestant said it), knife skills aren't everything in cooking. Well, maybe, but they mean a lot.
So the Elimination Challenge was in pairs (Dale got to pick who he went with), and each pair had to pick a movie to use as a dish inspiration. The reason? They were cooking for Richard Roeper (who I seldom agree with, but that's irrelevant).
The best ones were the 'Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory' dish, which won, respectively. It's funny how the judges said that you wouldn't think any of the ingredients would go together, but they worked and tasted great. But then, the other contestants were talking shit, saying, "There's no way that tasted good." Well, this proves you can't judge a dish by its plating. And also why watching a cooking show on television stinks, but what can ya' do?
The dish for 'Top Secret!' was good, and again, keeps in line with my theory of Stephanie winning the whole thing. I also thought the 'A Christmas Story' dish was inspired, and the judges seemed to like it a lot. I was surprised it had almost no recognition.
Manuel and Spike's 'Good Morning, Vietnam' dish was indeed awful. And yes, they clearly thought of the movie after to fit their dish. Spike's one of my favorites, so I was really worried for about ten minutes. Thankfully the other guy went home.
Overall, not a bad episode. And also, I'm now one week closer to my wedding to Padma. You're all invited. (If I say it enough, will it happen?)