In Theaters May 16

A quick week here, yet again. It seems we're down to only a single wide release in theaters May 16th.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian || IMDb

It seems the general consensus here is either love or hatred. Same as with the Lord of the Rings trilogy. But I enjoy movies in all genres, and the first Narnia movie was a good adaptation of the beloved series. We have the same director and writer as before, so I think this will be another good movie. Who am I kidding, though. You are already set on if you want to see this movie and nothing I say will sway your opinion.

Jon's Pick of the Week: Narnia

DVD Release of the Week: Oh God, do I really have to pick one? The Great Debaters, I guess.

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In Theaters May 9

Again, there's only two major movies opening May 9th. One looks to be super entertaining, yet potentially very awful. The other looks boring and certainly awful. Oh, where to start?

Speed Racer || IMDb

When I was a kid I loved me some Speed Racer. The cardinal problem is: Can the Wachowski brothers conjure up enough material to fill a big screen time slot? They did give us 'The Matrix,' but also forced us to sit through two crappy sequels. The Coen brothers, they are not. Yet I'm sure this will be a joy to watch, regardless of the inevitably bland plot. Plus I like Emile Hirsch a lot more since Into the Wild, and I've had a thing for Christina Ricci since she was in Casper (and I was 10 so that's not as creepy as it sounds). What is it with this movie bringing back childhood memories? Nostalgia, here I come.

Rating: Opening Weekend

What Happens in Vegas || IMDb

I like Ashton Kutcher a lot. To be honest he's never done any good movies, but I can't help liking the guy. Unfortunately my man-crush is canceled out by Cameron Diaz, who I think is quite possible the least attractive star on the Hollywood A-List. But besides that, I'm also spiteful against the movie for its excessive advertising well before it came out. I don't mind seeing trailers for The Dark Knight or WALL-E dozens of times, but I think trailers should be more to promote awareness than brainwash viewers with thousands of repetitive showings. I shall coin this term Movie Trailer Tact. Over-promoting a movie makes people sick of it, and this is just one example.

But honestly, like every other movie of this nature, we can all safely assume a pile of unfunny material peppered with occasional joke that is genuinely funny.

Rating: Download

Jon's Pick of the Week: Speed Racer

DVD Release of the Week: I'm Not There (haven't seen it, but it's a lesser evil)

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In Theaters May 2

Not much comes out this week. So little, in fact, I probably won't need to use the expandable post feature. Anyway, here are some movies in theaters May 2.

Iron Man || IMDb

When I saw the first trailer I was left with a good impression. I like Robert Downey Jr. a lot: He has this strange charisma, in a likable prick kinda way. But what's surprising is on Rottentomatoes, the movie has a 94% regular critics, and 88% top critics. Needless to say, that bumps the movie from 'should be entertaining' status to 'first good blockbuster of the summer' status.

Rating: Opening Weekend

Made of Honor || IMDb

It's tempting to rant about Grey's Anatomy here, but I shall not. Instead, I think we'll just all be safe in the assumption that there will be plenty of cliches and predictable plot points in this movie. At 101 minutes, I'm positive that is about 94 minutes longer than the movie should be.

Rating: Download

And that's it for wide releases this week. At least we have one winner.

Jon's Pick of the Week: Iron Man

DVD Release of the Week: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (DVD Release of the Year so far)

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In Theaters April 25

Is it summer yet? It sure feels like it -- though in Florida it starts to feel like summer mid-February. At least we're getting some big name movies in theaters April 25th.

Baby Mama || IMDb

I wanted to see this until I realized it wasn't written by Tina Fey, it just stars her. Mean Girls and 30 Rock, great. SNL, not too bad these days. Baby Mama... pass.

Rating: Rental

Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay || IMDb

The first time I watched the original, I didn't like it. A month ago I bought the DVD. It grew on me (though some scenes still just make me cringe). Though this sequel is bound to be a bit inferior, same writers translates to a solid experience. That is, if you enjoyed the original.

Rating: Opening Weekend

Deception || IMDb

Interesting trailer, but bound to flop. Just take my word for it. Sometimes you just know.

Rating: Download

Jon's Pick of the Week: Harold and Kumar

DVD Release of the Week: The Savages

Side note: One Missed Call has a 0% on Rottentomatoes after 65 reviews. Hilarious.

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In Theaters April 18

We are in for a slightly better week at the movies this time around. There can only be so many bad movies made per year, right? One could only hope, but I don't think that's ever been proven true. Nonetheless, here is what is in theaters for April 18th.

The Forbidden Kingdom || IMDb

I can't tell whether this is supposed to be a parody or the real thing. I'm guessing the latter. Not really too much to say here -- if you like martial arts movies you will enjoy this, if not, then you will not.

Rating: Dollar Theater

88 Minutes || IMDb

Early reviews on Rottentomatoes show this one to be very bad, which confirms my assessment from the trailer that it will be very bad. Unfortunately not even Al Pacino can stop this train wreck. I think we need Keanu Reeves. See what I did there? I made a 'Speed' joke. Because Keanu was in 'Speed' and it was about stopping a vehicle. And that goes with my train wreck analogy.

Rating: Download

Forgetting Sarah Marshall || IMDb

I am really, really over the '40 Year-Old Virgin' and 'Knocked Up' hype. Any time I see those mentioned as a selling point in a preview I immediately go flaccid, which is saying a lot since this movie stars Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis. Let's be real -- it will be amusing, have some eye candy, but ultimately fall short of memorable. I think I'll just watch 'Knocked Up' again.

Rating: Dollar Theater

Jon's Pick of the Week: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (sadly)
DVD Release of the Week: Juno!

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In Theaters April 11

It looks to be another deadpan week for the movies. When will it technically be 'summer' so we can get those huge blockbusters? Give me the next Batman already! Nonetheless, here is what is in theaters April 11.

Prom Night || IMDb

Even the worst, worst horror movies, in the trailer, manage to have some jump-out-scary moments that catch the viewer off guard. Prom Night fails to do even that. At least give me some trick camera angles. Or zombies. I like zombies. The only reason I can understand seeing this is for Brittany Snow, who was hot when she guest starred in Nip/Tuck, and also in Hairspray. Plus, she was born in Tampa, Florida, so that's always a plus. But if you use that logic, I guess you could, you know, watch Nip/Tuck or Hairspray....

Rating: Not If They Paid You

Street Kings || IMDb

I'm glad to see a movie with a fresh plot that has not been done a million times before. Oh, wait.... Novelist James Ellroy takes to doing screenplays. He wrote the novel 'L.A. Confidential,' which was turned into a great movie. But not by him. He should stay away from Hollywood. Instead, director David Ayer should stick to writing, where he at least has some notoriety (Harsh Times, Training Day). And Keanu Reeves should stick to Bill & Ted, obviously.

Rating: Download

Smart People || IMDb

Ellen Page will draw many viewers to this new movie because of her success in Juno. Sadly, people will see this movie for the wrong reason. Granted, there looks to be plenty of cliches and a happy ending, but I'm sure there will be witty moments. Thomas Haden Church is always memorable (his role in Sideways is one of my favorites in recent years), and Dennis Quaid is charming in most roles. Except Vantage Point. Did anyone even see that movie?

Rating: Dollar Theater

Jon's Pick: Smart People (it's in limited release, though)

DVD Release of the Week: There Will Be Blood (rent, don't buy -- the special edition has shit features and the regular one doesn't even have a real case)

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In Theaters April 4

It's that time of the month again. No, wait. Week. That time of the week again. Yes, that is what I was aiming for. It looks like this week may be a gamble. Last week I gambled on '21' and lost miserably. Let's see if we can do better this week.

Leatherheads || IMDb

I like George Clooney. Who doesn't, right? Plus I have a small man-crush on John Krasinski, and seeing him on Leno a few days ago solidified that, while this movie has some things going for it, we're looking at a bench warmer movie at best. Though it's only a few reviews, the movie has scored low on both Rottentomatoes and IMDb. 'Good Night and Good Luck.' was a great film, but here, well, let's wait for George's next round at directing.

Rating: Download

Nim's Island || IMDb

A little better, though I think children's movies have a bit of an advantage. It seems like they get more leeway from critics because the subject matter doesn't have to be as mature. But then again, a good movie is a good movie. I think this one will safely be 'enjoyable but not memorable.'

Rating: Dollar Theater

The Ruins || IMDb

I'm kind of partial to this one, but only because I've been on a horror movie kick. But, A) the movie is rated R, so that's a start, and B) it looks to branch a bit beyond typical 'dead teenager movies.' Those two criteria put it immediately above most horror movies released recently, so there you go.

Rating: Theater

Shine a Light || IMDb

A documentary about the Rolling Stones. Basically, if you like the Rolling Stones, you'll like this. If not, then not.

Rating: Dollar Theater

Jon's Pick of the Week: The Ruins

DVD Release of the Week: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

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In Theaters March 28

Finally, it looks like a decent week for some movie action. Recently I went and saw 'Horton Hears a Who.' Decently entertaining, except the whole time I could only think of the Mayor, voiced by Steve Carell, as Michael Scott from the Office. But that made it funnier.

21 || IMDb

Everything about this movie looks good. Capable director, fun plot premise (who doesn't like gambling/casino movies?), Kevin Spacey, and Kate Bosworth back at a healthy weight. The trailer looks good, but for some reason I just feel like it's going to flop. There's just something missing, and I can't place my finger on it. On Rottentomatoes it has a 38% off of 37 reviews, and that's not too hot. Either way, I shall see it and report back.

Rating: Theater

Run, Fat Boy, Run || IMDb

'Hot Fuzz' was one of my favorite movies last year. Unfortunately it looks like Simon Pegg is starting to go downhill. Maybe he just needs a paycheck. I mean, sometimes that's gotta be the case. Seriously though, this movie looks like it may have some moments, but overall, just keep in mind it's directed by Ross from Friends.

Rating: Rental

Stop-Loss || IMDb

Let's do a pro/con list.

Pros: Scott Rudin, producer.

Cons: Woman director (sorry, but the only one to come to mind with more than one movie worth watching is Sofia Coppola*), an MTV production, America is tired of war movies (see: all of last year), Ryan Phillippe is the only noteworthy cast member, and even he isn't that big of a sell.

Some people are enthusiastic and calling it a must-see. I don't see it.

Rating: Download

Superhero Movie || IMDb

If you're really considering this, you need more help than I can provide.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

Jon's Pick of the Week: 21

DVD Release of the Week: Bonnie and Clyde special edition! If you haven't seen this amazing classic, you should get on it. Seriously. One of the best movies ever made.

* Yes, there have been quite a few movies directed by women. Some of my favorites, to be honest. But those that have directed more than one that was received well? That's my point.

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In Theaters March 21

It looks to be another lackluster weekend, with some pretty bad movies opening. Is there anything really worth seeing this weekend? Can new box office lows be set? Will 'Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns' get a single positive review? More fun to follow, for in theaters March 21st.

Drillbit Taylor || IMDb

I'm not going to lie -- I really like Owen Wilson. I may even go so far as to say I'm a 'fan.' Of course, I'm referring to 'Wedding Crashers,' 'Starsky & Hutch,' and 'The Life Aquatic,' among others. This movie surely looks to fit into the category of failures for the talented brother. There's sure to be a few moments of comedy, but not near enough to make me leave home.

Rating: Download

Shutter || IMDb

I like really bad horror movies, but the have to be really, really bad. This movie has 'mediocre' written all over it. The only reason I may see it is because Rachel Taylor is a very gifted actress.... or, because she's hot. Either way, not going to be worth it.

Rating: Download

Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns || IMDb
If you had to bet whether this movie was about Tyler Perry interviewing some of the Cleveland Browns football players, or a movie that exploits stereotypes and piles on the cliches, which would you go with? Yeah, me too. I wish it was the other one.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

The Hammer || IMDb

This probably won't be a lot of places, but I'm reaching for watchable movies in theaters. This comedy looks moderately witty, and if anything, way funnier than the other two movies listed before combined. I'm skeptical about Adam Carolla in a non-Man Show role, but this looks okay. Check out the trailer here.

Rating: Theater

Jon's Pick of the Week: The Hammer

DVD Release of the Week: Atonement, for sure. Highly recommended. Also, Enchanted was really good. So get both.

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In Theaters March 14

At least there's some promise in the new releases for March 14th. Also, though DVDs are released on Tuesdays, I'm going to include a little bit at the bottom for those, too.

Doomsday || IMDb

Clearly a joke on the American public. I will be surprised if it surpasses 15% on RottenTomatoes. If this is your thing, just go see any of the other thousands of movies with this premise.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who || IMDb

Finally, some promise. Even when a Dr. Seuss adaptation goes bad, it's still usually watchable (Grinch -- the Jim Carrey one). The preview looks promising and there's it's certified 'fresh' on RottenTomatoes, so it's worth checking out.

Rating: Dollar Theater

Never Back Down || IMDb

This movie looks really, really bad. The only thing going for it is Jeff Wadlow also directed 'Cry_Wolf,' and though that movie was pretty bad, it's a guilty pleasure of mine. So yeah, nothing to see here, kids.

Rating: Download

Jon's Pick of the Week: Horton Hears a Who

DVD Release of the Week: --just kidding, nothing good comes out this week. Check out 'No Country for Old Men' if you haven't seen it.

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In Theaters March 7

It's a trend that the movie year goes in a cycle. There's usually a beginning of the year slump, a slew of summer blockbusters, and then 3 months of artsy, awards-bound films. Very rarely do movies win Oscars that came out in the first half of the year. And here we are, the beginning of March.

But that does not mean quality entertainment is impossible -- you'll just have to look a little harder to find it. Each Thursday I'll post a column describing new releases, along with a mostly unbiased description, weighing cast & crew, critical reception, how promising the trailer is, and a bit of personal intuition. It will cover all WIDE releases, and a few LIMITED releases.

The rating system will be: Midnight Showing, Opening Weekend, Dollar Theater, Rental, Download, Not If They Paid You.

Without further ado:

In Theaters March 7, 2008

10,000 B.C. || IMDb

Writer/Director Roland Emmerich seems to be a master of the mediocre disaster. His credits include 'The Day After Tomorrow,' 'The Patriot,' and 'Independence Day.' I doubt it will be much better or worse than any of those movies -- a solid action flick with lots to be desired from a critical standpoint. If you like mindless action, this will be your thing, but for me...

Rating: Download

The Bank Job || IMDb

Jason Statham is close to the top of the one-character-actors list. At least Vin Diesel played a nanny. Despite his lack of range, this could be the right role for him. Bound to be predictable, yet I'm sure it will be entertaining.

Rating: Dollar Theater

College Road Trip || IMDb

Ohhhhhhhhh, man. The only reason I would see this is to count how many stereotypes can be shamelessly thrown around. And that is not enough to get me out of the house. How could the director of 'Just Friends' go wrong, you ask? I just don't know, sometimes you have it and sometimes you don't.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

Jon's Pick of the Week: Rent 'Into the Wild' on DVD. Or, if you must, 'The Bank Job.'

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