RIP Sydney Pollack

Cancer claims another victim. Sydney Pollack died Monday, which is pretty unfortunate. Though he hasn't directed a movie in a while, he was still giving memorable performances as an actor. Like in that 'Please silence your cell phones' commercial before movies (sponsored by AT&T), and as Patrick Dempsey's dad in Made of Honor.

No, but seriously. This is sad. What's with all these celebrities dying this year? Heath Ledger, Charlton Heston, Sydney Pollack... if Woody Allen dies I'm just going to flip out. Knock on freaking wood.

Continue reading...

Two Quick Reviews

Two movies I saw recently:

Made of Honor was pretty bad. Charming main characters, but I couldn't help wondering why I had to watch them go through everything in the movie when they could have, and should have, been together three minutes after the opening credits. Some decent moments, but overall nothing special. Rating: 3/7

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, on the other hand, was very enjoyable. A great sequel to the original film, Prince Caspian brings the series toward some darker themes. But there are still the standard deus ex machinas and characters that exist simply to help further plot and nothing else, so the movie is not flawless. But for what it is and how it brings the source material to the screen, I give it a rating of: 6/7

Continue reading...

In Theaters May 16

A quick week here, yet again. It seems we're down to only a single wide release in theaters May 16th.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian || IMDb

It seems the general consensus here is either love or hatred. Same as with the Lord of the Rings trilogy. But I enjoy movies in all genres, and the first Narnia movie was a good adaptation of the beloved series. We have the same director and writer as before, so I think this will be another good movie. Who am I kidding, though. You are already set on if you want to see this movie and nothing I say will sway your opinion.

Jon's Pick of the Week: Narnia

DVD Release of the Week: Oh God, do I really have to pick one? The Great Debaters, I guess.

Continue reading...

Top Chef -- Serve and Protect

I love the drama coming out on my TV show. Since Top Chef is getting further into the season I like seeing people talk shit.

Reinventing the salad for the Quickfire Challenge is a pretty hot topic. I love a good salad, as do most people. But as Padma said, the salad is in a slump

Lisa saying, "There are people here who don't deserve to be here," is ironic because I think she's the worst person still on the show. Seriously, STFU. That's why you were in the bottom three of the Quickfire [and later the Elimination Challenge].

I'm pretty psyched Spike won the Quickfire. Of course he finally wins it when there is no more immunity. Oh well, my boy is tearin' it up. And what a sweet advantage. He gets ten extra minutes to shop, as well as choosing an ingredient in each food group no one else can use. Sweet.

So the Elimination Challenge is to make some unhealthy food into a healthy meal. Spike picks bread, tomatoes, chicken, and lettuce. Thank you Andrew for saying that, "Most of the people in the house are stupid. Wahh to them, they aren't creative enough to make something. Will they have to now." I like this guy more each episode.

Whereas Antonia pisses me off more and more each episode. Sure, I'm mainly spiteful, but she bugs me even when she says things that are normal. Though I like her reading my mind and saying all Dale does is make Asian dishes. Seriously, Dale needs some variety.

I don't know if I would want to judge this competition. I'd have to spend like 40 minutes microwaving all these dishes. And again, this episode we have Ted Allen to judge, and no Gail. And I love Padma's jacket. And Padma.

It bugs me that Dale won the challenge. Yay, let's keep making Asian food until final three. Oh well, Stephanie was top two, so I can't complain.

I feel sorry for Andrew, getting chewed out at judging. Sure he studied nutrition and made a dish, but he didn't follow all the rules. But the worst was he kept arguing. Maybe humility would be a better way to go?

Spike handled the situation not well either. Chef Tom had to put him in his place, which also bugs me, but hey, Chef Tom was correct. His opinion is the one that matters. Not the ones of the officers.

And Lisa is just a bitch. No one messed with your burner. I'm glad the judges don't care.

I'm not surprised Andrew got sent home. He had a worse dish and didn't follow the rules. But God, this means Lisa is around for another week. Fucking shit.

Ideal top 3, and my prediction: Stephanie, Richard, Spike.

And because I didn't say it yet, I'm going to marry Padma.

Continue reading...

Box Office Trends -- No Love for Original Dramas

Lately I've been wondering: When was the last time an original drama movie had huge box office success? It seems like everything these days are adaptations, remakes, sequels, or based on true events. When it's not those, it's often a comedy with big name stars. I think it's interesting how the stats pan out since the year 2000. Note: All numbers taken from Box Office Mojo.

Movies not counted will include: Remakes, sequels, adaptations, and biopics. I'm not going to count Pixar movies either. Pixar makes exceptional movies, and I think they are in a league of their own. Let's just not count animated movies, either.

We'll start with 2007 because 2008 is young.
-Highest Grossing Movie: Spider-man 3. Then we have the Shrek sequel, Transformers, some Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, etc etc. The highest original movie is Ratatouille, which placed 11th. 13-15 are Wild Hogs, Knocked Up, and Juno. Three comedies. It's not until we get to 31, The Bucket List (which some may still consider comedy), which grossed a mere $93 million. Not until rank 55 do we see Michael Clayton, which is the first movie on the list to be original, critically acclaimed, and not a comedy.

2006
-The top movie here is Pirates of the Caribbean 2, which is no surprise. Though next we have Night at the Museum, which had the second highest gross. Yay for original content, but this is a comedy with big stars. If we consider Click a drama, that takes the prize at number 13. Inside Man wins for the original, critically acclaimed drama award, at number 22 with $83 million.

2005
-Star Wars Episode III, Narnia, and Harry Potter take the top three spots. Wedding Crashers comes in at number 6. Again, a comedy with Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn. Mr. and Mrs. Smith broke into the top 10, but we all know why. I thought the flick was awful, but America apparently didn't. Other notables is Hitch at 11.

2004
-Shrek (2), Spider-man (2), and Jesus (The Passion) are the top three. The Incredibles has a high ranking, but also we see The Day After Tomorrow at number 7, which as far as I can tell is an original screenplay. Potentially our best year yet.

2003
-Lord of the Rings, Finding Nemo (which I love), and Pirates of the Caribbean. Bruce Almighty and Elf rank highly, but it's not until The Last Samurai at number 20 where a drama comes into play. But then again, I'm not sure how original that story is. We'd have to go a long way down the list though to find anything else, so we'll stick with that.

2002
-Spider-man, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Harry Potter... do we see a trend here? My Big Fat Greek Wedding hits number five--a comedy I did not much appreciate. Signs comes in at number 6 though, which is a high score so far. I'm not too big into Shyamalan, but I still give him props for being sort of an auteur.

2001
-Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Shrek, Pixar. Our highest original is Spy Kids, which I'm not enthusiastic about counting. But alas, it's number 17. The Others comes in at 21.

2000
-How refreshing! This seems to be the year before some trends came around. Number one is The Grinch, but number two is Cast Away. Sure it had Tom Hanks in it, but we have an original, dramatic film at the number two spot. Also, Gladiator at number 4. This will be a good stopping point.

The top grossing movies of '97 and '98 were Titanic and Saving Private Ryan--both original screenplays, though Titanic was based on actual events.

So what have we learned? It seems we're in a new age for the money-making movies. Adaptation has always been around the movie, but recently it's a large trend of remakes and sequels. They're safe bets and will always bring home the cash. But I'll tell you what. Spare The Bourne Ultimatum, I would take Before the Devil Knows You're Dead over any of the top 10 grossing movies of 2007.

I guess original dramatic stories, at this moment, are plagued with a home in the independent film circle. Unless they luck out, but we all know how that always ends up. Or doesn't.

Continue reading...

In Theaters May 9

Again, there's only two major movies opening May 9th. One looks to be super entertaining, yet potentially very awful. The other looks boring and certainly awful. Oh, where to start?

Speed Racer || IMDb

When I was a kid I loved me some Speed Racer. The cardinal problem is: Can the Wachowski brothers conjure up enough material to fill a big screen time slot? They did give us 'The Matrix,' but also forced us to sit through two crappy sequels. The Coen brothers, they are not. Yet I'm sure this will be a joy to watch, regardless of the inevitably bland plot. Plus I like Emile Hirsch a lot more since Into the Wild, and I've had a thing for Christina Ricci since she was in Casper (and I was 10 so that's not as creepy as it sounds). What is it with this movie bringing back childhood memories? Nostalgia, here I come.

Rating: Opening Weekend

What Happens in Vegas || IMDb

I like Ashton Kutcher a lot. To be honest he's never done any good movies, but I can't help liking the guy. Unfortunately my man-crush is canceled out by Cameron Diaz, who I think is quite possible the least attractive star on the Hollywood A-List. But besides that, I'm also spiteful against the movie for its excessive advertising well before it came out. I don't mind seeing trailers for The Dark Knight or WALL-E dozens of times, but I think trailers should be more to promote awareness than brainwash viewers with thousands of repetitive showings. I shall coin this term Movie Trailer Tact. Over-promoting a movie makes people sick of it, and this is just one example.

But honestly, like every other movie of this nature, we can all safely assume a pile of unfunny material peppered with occasional joke that is genuinely funny.

Rating: Download

Jon's Pick of the Week: Speed Racer

DVD Release of the Week: I'm Not There (haven't seen it, but it's a lesser evil)

Continue reading...

ethiopian dinnertime.

ethiopia.eating.


Dinner is like this. You get together with a group of fellow eaters. You gather around a plate of wat. Wat just means stew. You might think that limits your options. You’d be right, it does…it severely limits your options for eating. But don’t worry, Ethiopia makes wat out of everything. Well, everything that has to do with eggs. And chicken. And sometimes beef, and chickpeas.

You sit around the giant plate, with all the eaters. Your face and arms are caked with clay from a day hanging out the window of a land cruiser. A raccoon tan on your face from the African sun pounding away mercilessly on your sunglasses. A small woman walks from eater to eater, pouring water over your right hand. It doesn’t clean much. Also, unlike the locals, you tend to eat with two hands, so you slyly pass around the hand sanitizer. Thank you Purell corporation. I wish I bought stock in your organization, I wish I had a trashbag full of Purell that I could jump into, with only my eyes above glycerine-gel level. Just for a minute. Once a day.

After the cleaning, the woman brings out the injera on a huge round platter. It’s usually laid flat, a few layers of sourdough flapjacks. Good injera is the color of my cheeks when I get seasick. Greyish, like badly trampled, low grade carpet. The lighter the color, the better quality tef used. Good tef is the key to great injera. Supposedly highlanders laugh at the inferior quality of lowlanders injera. I’m afraid that the world’s best injera would still taste like a spoilt crepe to me. A spoiled crepe that you kind of get used to after a while. You kind of even like it a little bit after a while. Limited options.

The woman dumps some sort of wat all over the injera, it’s looking like your living room floor after a flash flood. I mean she douses it, pouring bright orange pungent doro wat coast to coast across the two foot wide frisbee of injera. Then she steps away, maybe brings you another bottle of harar beer or a cold ambo water.

Then you eat.

Right hand only. Try tearing a pancake into manageable pieces with only ole righty. It’s ridiculous. Not so pretty. You take the soggy injera and dab it into the wat. You wrap it around the pieces of meat. You smush the hard-boiled eggs into pieces and you cram it all into your mouth. You do not lick your fingers, culturally inappropriate. Your hand has a lot of food on it.
Now if you are someone’s honored guest, they will do something that will probably make you feel uncomfortable. They are probably going to take a piece of meat and finger-feed that straight into your mouth. They are gonna do it, you should get used to it. Try not to lick their fingers, that’s extremely awkward.

When you’re done, you chat.
Dinnertime.

Continue reading...

Top Chef -- Wedding Wars

This week the Quickfire Challenge was a relay race, which is pretty epic. I love when Dale was talking to the group, and people were complaining about making mayo. And he's like, "Why are you here?!" Brilliant, I was wondering the same thing about Nikki and Lisa.

Pretty sweet though, seeing how much work it is to peel oranges, deal with artichoke, slay that monstrous dragon into filets, and make your own mayo. However, Dale going into a tantrum upon losing is not cool.

Andrew is growing on me. I like how honest and ridiculous he is. "I have a culinary boner right now." Brilliant. I'm also a big fan of Padma's jacket. Mainly because she's wearing it, but it is still pretty fabulous.

The Elimination Challenge is a Wedding Wars theme, and I agree with Spike and his comments on Team Stephanie (I will call them that because I like her) picking the bride. Are you kidding me? The Bride Team would probably be harder, but hey, whatever.

Antonia really bugs me. "I feel like I'm in the army... peeling potatoes." GTFO of my show.

Dale kind of bugs me. He complains a lot, but honestly, most of the things he says are true. I don't like Nikki, and he's right -- she just wants to control things but not to take responsibility. Yet on the other hand, Dale needs to not bite off more than he can chew.

It's pretty ridiculous how long they cook for for this challenge. All night, yes, but all morning, as well. They have until 11:00 AM to cook, and we can assume they got up, at the latest, about 10:00 the following morning. I think no matter who you are, that would be exhausting (obviously?). Plus they have to sit through the wedding and serve at reception. Ridiculous.

Why is Ted Allen not on this episode. Seriously, this is getting old. And, WHAT is with Padma's red dress? I mean, I love me some tight clothes on beautiful women, but I think I'd rather see her in jeans and an airman jacket. The flower in her hair helps, though. Actually, we could put her in a wedding dress in preparation for our wedding. Wedding Wars for Season Five, I can see it now: Jonathan Beck and Padma Lakshmi.

As for the teams vs. each other, from when the teams were randomly picked, it was clear Team Stephanie had an advantage. It looks like their dishes tasted better, but if one thing is for sure, Stephanie's cake looked freaking awesome. And actually like a wedding cake. Not like a battleship, as Chef Tom said.

Why is Richard winning everything. Honestly, it bugs me. Give me some variety. I'm glad he gave it to Stephanie though. She's my girl. And I guess I like Richard a bit more for sharing his gift certificate.

I think a piece of helpful criticism for the editors of Top Chef would be to, regardless of who is speaking, always have the camera on Padma.

Man, Dale at the Judge's Table is kind of a bitch. Okay, I think I'm just hating cause he went at it with my boy Spike -- who actually stood up for himself, unlike the two girls on the Groom's Team. And the judges liked his dish the best, so.... yay.

Yes, I'm so glad Nikki is gone. Sent home. That was kind of my prediction, since it seems the judge's value people who step up and look down upon people who don't want responsibility, who don't accept everything that comes with their dishes greatness or failure. Remember the episode where Spike stayed and Manuel went home? Prime example.

Oh well, here's to next week!

Continue reading...

ethiopia: part one

i just returned this past tuesday from ethiopia, where i was working as a videographer with charity: water.

charity: water basically does just what it's name entails, they provide clean drinking water for people who don't have it.  

in ethiopia, there are a lot of people who need clean water.

we spent about 2.5 weeks traveling around northern ethiopia, we visited more than 35 villages without access to clean drinking water...all of which will get clean water because we were there.

pretty exciting.

i shot video which will be edited for the website www.borninseptember.org, where people will give up their birthdays to raise money for clean water.  1.5 million dollars.

that was a very poorly written brief overview...here's what you should know about ethiopia -

1.  they eat everything with injera; a sour pancake thing.  its not that good...but not that bad, it's kind of weird.

2.  ambo - probably the only third world country with their own internal sparkling water brand, it's called ambo.  its better than perrier or pellegrino, and it's all natural.  they should export...if they decide to export, they should do it with this slogan...third world product - first world taste.

to be continued...soon

Continue reading...

In Theaters May 2

Not much comes out this week. So little, in fact, I probably won't need to use the expandable post feature. Anyway, here are some movies in theaters May 2.

Iron Man || IMDb

When I saw the first trailer I was left with a good impression. I like Robert Downey Jr. a lot: He has this strange charisma, in a likable prick kinda way. But what's surprising is on Rottentomatoes, the movie has a 94% regular critics, and 88% top critics. Needless to say, that bumps the movie from 'should be entertaining' status to 'first good blockbuster of the summer' status.

Rating: Opening Weekend

Made of Honor || IMDb

It's tempting to rant about Grey's Anatomy here, but I shall not. Instead, I think we'll just all be safe in the assumption that there will be plenty of cliches and predictable plot points in this movie. At 101 minutes, I'm positive that is about 94 minutes longer than the movie should be.

Rating: Download

And that's it for wide releases this week. At least we have one winner.

Jon's Pick of the Week: Iron Man

DVD Release of the Week: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (DVD Release of the Year so far)

Continue reading...

Top Chef -- Common Threads

This week there's some serious product placement for the 90 second Uncle Ben microwaveable rice. It's funny watching real cooks, seeing how they have to read the directions because they usually make their own pro, amazing rice. But I know that shiznit by heart and could school them in rice microwaving. I would've won the Quickfire and gotten immunity for sure.

The fact that Antonia won the Quickfire bugs me. Reality TV is so bittersweet. When the people I like win, it's fantastic, and when people I hate win, I want to scream at my television. Well, here I am, screaming. Figuratively, of course.

Elimination challenge: A meal for four that costs no more than $10. Hello, Betty Crocker Complete Meals. You can get four of them for $10. And they're supposed to feed quite a few people. Done, a dozen people fed.

Also, I would hate to work at the Whole Foods in Chicago. Watching the cooks slave at the register trying to get their food under $10 would be tedious. Then again, I would get to meet the contestants, so it would be a decent trade-off.

I don't know how I feel about kids being in the kitchen with the chefs. I mean on the one hand, they help out, but they have to have things explained to them. And they probably got in the way, and I mean kids are annoying in general. Good thing Chef Tom was there to make sure the kids did stuff, or else I'm sure some people would be like me and just tell them to stay out of the way and watch.

Yet again, a judge is missing this week. No Ted is annoying, but hey, Gail is here. Kind of frustrating.

And here we are again. Antonia winning twice in one episode is like a nightmare. Would've been nice to see Andrew win. Sigh.

I like how in the bottom three Mark called Gail out on saying his dish didn't have enough protein. Maybe it tastes bad, but vegetarian dishes should be valid every now and then. Well played, Mark. Maybe you're not the best cook, but you're a character.

Stephanie is in the bottom again. This is ruining my theories, Bravo!

I feel bad for Mark going home. Honestly, I think Stephanie did the worst. I think they give Stephanie a bit more credit because she won a few challenges. And Padma, even though you sent Mark home instead of Lisa (who I dislike), we should still get married. I won't hold a grudge.

Continue reading...

An Old Dog with Older Tricks

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay || IMDb

This Friday, Harold and Kumar have returned to the big screen. Unfortunately, where the first movie gave us original, comedic characters with an obsession with White Castle, this movie falls short. Instead of the characters being driven by themselves, by the craving, they are forced to be on the move. Plot controlling characters is always less interesting than the characters controlling themselves.

This time around our heroes get thrown into the Cuban prison Guantanamo Bay after Kumar can't resist smoking on an airplane and his bong is confused for a bomb. After some minor plot (can it even be called that?) developments, they escape and are on the run to Texas, where a dude marrying Kumar's ex-girlfriend can get their records cleared. The movie falls short because all this setup is is an excuse to put the protagonists in a series of uncomfortable instances that were almost all done better in the first movie.

The movie has two jokes. The first is the racism joke. This time we're not limited to a few lines against our Korean and Indian characters, but a majority of the scenes have stereotypes being exploited, and not in a humorous way. For example, a racist investigator (or, whatever he is, played awfully by Rob Corddry) attempts to torture a black witness by pouring a can of grape pop on the ground. But this isn't failure enough -- we see the joke of the black neighborhood being intelligent people (an orthodontist, for example) before the movie even hints at it. Why? Because those jokes have been done long before. And to count these scenes would be futile as they take up a majority of the film.

There are a few laughs, almost all of them coming from Neil Patrick Harris playing Neil Patrick Harris (NPH). He single-handedly steals the movie from Harold and Kumar. He's got more screen time than in the first movie, and it's all put to good use. So much that we are left thinking, I wish we followed NPH for the 102 minutes, instead.

If you've seen the original, there will be no curve balls this time around. If you haven't, watch the original instead and don't bother with this miserable sequel.

Rating: 3/7

Continue reading...

In Theaters April 25

Is it summer yet? It sure feels like it -- though in Florida it starts to feel like summer mid-February. At least we're getting some big name movies in theaters April 25th.

Baby Mama || IMDb

I wanted to see this until I realized it wasn't written by Tina Fey, it just stars her. Mean Girls and 30 Rock, great. SNL, not too bad these days. Baby Mama... pass.

Rating: Rental

Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay || IMDb

The first time I watched the original, I didn't like it. A month ago I bought the DVD. It grew on me (though some scenes still just make me cringe). Though this sequel is bound to be a bit inferior, same writers translates to a solid experience. That is, if you enjoyed the original.

Rating: Opening Weekend

Deception || IMDb

Interesting trailer, but bound to flop. Just take my word for it. Sometimes you just know.

Rating: Download

Jon's Pick of the Week: Harold and Kumar

DVD Release of the Week: The Savages

Side note: One Missed Call has a 0% on Rottentomatoes after 65 reviews. Hilarious.

Continue reading...

Top Chef -- Improv

What's the best part of every Wednesday? Well, it was Big Brother until the smart people were evicted and the morons made it to the end. Now, it's Top Chef.

The Quickfire Challenge this week was to make a dessert. How about that excessive product placement of the new Top Chef cookbook? Either way, all those desserts looked delicious. I'm sure even the 'bad' ones tasted good. I mean, no matter how you mix bananas, chocolate, and sugar, how could it taste bad? Richard wins immunity again -- yawn.

Thank God they didn't have the chefs go up on stage and do improv themselves at the comedy club. That is what the preview made it out to be. Improvising with food, that's okay. Chef doing improv comedy? Yikes. I really don't like Lisa for being like, "Well, even though they gave us Polish Sausage, I'm not doing it, we're doing something else." Grow up. You're in a competition with rules.

About Yellow Vanilla Love, "I would lick my bowl if we weren't in front of camera." Oh, Padma. I think we need a 'greatest Padma hits' Youtube compilation. I can't be the only person who'd want that, am I? Someone more technology-savvy needs to get on that. That way I can watch the video to pass time until I marry the real thing.

I do like all the weird techniques Dale has, from his homeland or wherever. I also like that he cusses a lot and is kind of a jerk. Go, reality TV.

I'm kind of annoyed Dale and Richard won the elimination challenge -- granted their dish was good but they've both won before, so I wanted to see Spike win one. Also, since he made a soup, him winning with that and rubbing it in Antonia's face would've been amazing.

Chef Tom is awesome, when Antonia said, "Well from now on..." and Tom says, "If there is a from now on." Putting contestants back in their place is fantastic.

Also, I like how you can tell what will happen in reality TV by the editing. Mark and Nikki were barely in this episode, so I knew they would not be in the top or bottom, but the middle where they don't show up later.

I almost had a heart attack when Stephanie was in the bottom two. Well, maybe that is a hyperbole, but she's my favorite to win and her going home this early would ruin my predictions! I'm glad Jen went, also because that means I don't have to keep hearing, "I'm doing this for Zoi" twenty times per episode.

Well, we'll be back next week.

Continue reading...

In Theaters April 18

We are in for a slightly better week at the movies this time around. There can only be so many bad movies made per year, right? One could only hope, but I don't think that's ever been proven true. Nonetheless, here is what is in theaters for April 18th.

The Forbidden Kingdom || IMDb

I can't tell whether this is supposed to be a parody or the real thing. I'm guessing the latter. Not really too much to say here -- if you like martial arts movies you will enjoy this, if not, then you will not.

Rating: Dollar Theater

88 Minutes || IMDb

Early reviews on Rottentomatoes show this one to be very bad, which confirms my assessment from the trailer that it will be very bad. Unfortunately not even Al Pacino can stop this train wreck. I think we need Keanu Reeves. See what I did there? I made a 'Speed' joke. Because Keanu was in 'Speed' and it was about stopping a vehicle. And that goes with my train wreck analogy.

Rating: Download

Forgetting Sarah Marshall || IMDb

I am really, really over the '40 Year-Old Virgin' and 'Knocked Up' hype. Any time I see those mentioned as a selling point in a preview I immediately go flaccid, which is saying a lot since this movie stars Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis. Let's be real -- it will be amusing, have some eye candy, but ultimately fall short of memorable. I think I'll just watch 'Knocked Up' again.

Rating: Dollar Theater

Jon's Pick of the Week: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (sadly)
DVD Release of the Week: Juno!

Continue reading...

Top Chef -- Tailgating

Top Chef -- what a night. A Quickfire Challenge pairing food with beer? How could one go wrong? Kind of frustrating seeing Jennifer win, avenging the elimination of her girlfriend. When people succeed and get revenge it's so disappointing to me. I like to see failure. Spike said it best, though. "Yah, lesbians!"

The tailgating at the Bears game was a fun concept. It was disappointing to see the drama dwindling down, though now we all know Spike is gay for Mark. I mean, seriously, what straight guys take bubble baths together? Also, very funny when Ryan admitted to being a pretty metro boy. It brings me joy when reality TV characters confirm my suspicions.

Of course, Ryan ended up going home. What a joke. Sure his dish wasn't traditionally tailgate food, but at least he didn't, A) lick his spoon then continue serving with it, or B) run out of a main ingredient. This annoys me greatly.

Stephanie was in the top for both the Quickfire and Elimination challenge, again. She is still a favorite to win. However, I think the judges purposely try to divide up who wins, because people are consistently up top and the best, but lesser people win to discourage monotony. Sad.

Also, what the HELL at the poll? "Who would you rather play touch football with?" Padma, Tom, or 'Myself.' I was predicting about 89% Padma, and 11% Myself (which is coincidentally how I imagine my kids with Padma turning out), but Tom got 50% of the votes. The only explanation is a majority of women viewers and him being the default choice.

Padma in a jersey with gloves and a ponytail = lovable.

And I haven't said this before, but, I like Gail. She's a good judge.

Also unsaid previously, I'm going to marry Padma Lakshmi.

Continue reading...

Rock of Love 2 Wrap-Up, or: How to Pick Reality TV Winners

A long time ago I was watching The Bachelor finale with some friends, and despite what all of them thought, I went against their opinions and guessed correctly. You can get a full recap on my personal blog here.

What I've realized is that if you watch just the finale episode, or even the last half hour, you get a much clearer view than someone who has become tainted by the whole season. Tonight I walked in on the last twenty minutes of Rock of Love 2, which my cousin and his girlfriend watch religiously.

The last two contestants were Ambre and Daisy. Both my cousin and his 'gf' wanted Daisy to win and were sure of it. Of course anyone who watches the show knows Ambre won. Here was the easy way to tell:

A) Editing is everything in reality TV. Before the commercial it showed Bret saying lots of negative things about Ambre. This is easy to see coming, since reality TV tries to be 'shocking' more than anything.
B) Bret talked a lot about the mistake he made last season. I didn't watch it, but one can assume he went for the typical rock 'n roll girl and it didn't work out. That's Daisy this season, whereas Ambre is more 'real.'
C) Ambre doesn't have all these ugly tattoos, and is more of a compliment to Bret than an addition.
D) Daisy was naturally 'hotter' (I mean she was a stripper), but Bret slept with her, so time to move on.

And for those four reasons, the winner was fairly obvious to me. Reality TV isn't too hard to predict if favoritism is swept aside and you look at it objectively. Keep that in mind next time you have a pool going.

Continue reading...

In Theaters April 11

It looks to be another deadpan week for the movies. When will it technically be 'summer' so we can get those huge blockbusters? Give me the next Batman already! Nonetheless, here is what is in theaters April 11.

Prom Night || IMDb

Even the worst, worst horror movies, in the trailer, manage to have some jump-out-scary moments that catch the viewer off guard. Prom Night fails to do even that. At least give me some trick camera angles. Or zombies. I like zombies. The only reason I can understand seeing this is for Brittany Snow, who was hot when she guest starred in Nip/Tuck, and also in Hairspray. Plus, she was born in Tampa, Florida, so that's always a plus. But if you use that logic, I guess you could, you know, watch Nip/Tuck or Hairspray....

Rating: Not If They Paid You

Street Kings || IMDb

I'm glad to see a movie with a fresh plot that has not been done a million times before. Oh, wait.... Novelist James Ellroy takes to doing screenplays. He wrote the novel 'L.A. Confidential,' which was turned into a great movie. But not by him. He should stay away from Hollywood. Instead, director David Ayer should stick to writing, where he at least has some notoriety (Harsh Times, Training Day). And Keanu Reeves should stick to Bill & Ted, obviously.

Rating: Download

Smart People || IMDb

Ellen Page will draw many viewers to this new movie because of her success in Juno. Sadly, people will see this movie for the wrong reason. Granted, there looks to be plenty of cliches and a happy ending, but I'm sure there will be witty moments. Thomas Haden Church is always memorable (his role in Sideways is one of my favorites in recent years), and Dennis Quaid is charming in most roles. Except Vantage Point. Did anyone even see that movie?

Rating: Dollar Theater

Jon's Pick: Smart People (it's in limited release, though)

DVD Release of the Week: There Will Be Blood (rent, don't buy -- the special edition has shit features and the regular one doesn't even have a real case)

Continue reading...

Charity:Water "Ethiopia" redux

I will be away from the blog until april 30th due to a last minute trip to Ethiopia. I am going to be working with Charity:Water as a videographer, visiting 33 villages that have no clean drinking water. We will be taking home the information, pictures and video to be the cornerstone of a fundraiser whose goal is to raise 1.5 million dollars to provide clean drinking water for at least 150,000 people.
check out Charity:Water at
www.charityis.org

peace


PS: This is now Jeremy adding to Danny's post...here is Charity:Water's public service announcement (yes that is Jennifer Connelly). Danny told me that he plans on writing some entries while he is over there, so keep reading!!!

Continue reading...

Top Chef -- The Elements

Another great episode of Top Chef this week. These episodes are why I watch reality TV. First for the Quickfire Challenge the contestants had to taste ingredients blindfolded and say which is more expensive. It's crazy how some things were so different, i.e. $72 bottle of sake vs. $5.00. It'd be fun to try and see if I can beat some of them. Probably, I mean I could hit half of them and beat Stephanie. Maybe I should be a cook?

Antonia winning the challenge was really lame because she probably would've gone home. Stupid immunity.

The Elimination Challenge was kind of lame. The different elements? How original.

I think the Fire team did make the best dish, with the shrimp and spices and bacon. It annoys me though that Lisa was the winner, because all she did was make bacon. And yet again, Stephanie was on the winning team. She's going to win fo sho.

The Air team, well, their dish looked good, but I think it's funny how, because of time, they didn't even see the judges' table.

I liked the Earth team because my boy Spike is on it. Sure he's not the best cook but he's funny and seems like he'd be fun to hang out with. I'm glad Zoi went instead, because it was funny seeing Spike yell at Antonia since she took control even though she had immunity. Also, I like how the guest judge mentioned the soup idea (Spike's) was genius. Owned.

I think team Water just failed miserably. Boring dish, scales in the salmon. Come on. They get an F.

Great end of the episode. Lots of cussing and kicking of chairs and bitching and tears? LOVE IT. Plus, Padma looked gorgeous, so I'll let her marry me when the time comes.

Continue reading...

Thats The News?

Another installment of the series whose name changes slightly each time...mostly because I don't have the tenaciousness to go look at the last installment to see the official name. But basically I try to make funny with the news headlines on CNN. mostly I fail....but sometimes I hit it, and thats what we in the business live for....we call em slammies and boy do they ever hitcha on the funny bone....SLAMMIES!

1. Turkey Fight In The Road Filmed By State Trooper
Turkey fight...and we ain't talkin about an argument over whose picking up the booze tab between Jack Nicholson and Robert De Niro at the AARP Hollywood Bingo night. Am I Right? Anyone?



2. Racy Sex Scene Awkward With Good Friend
Rosie Perez said it was awkward to film a steamy sex scene with John Leguizamo....her good friend. At this point it's probably awkward to film any movie scenes...the last time i saw her in a film she was telling Woody Harrelson to stop street balling with Wesley Snipes...and I was like 5 when that came out, and they had a steamy sex scene...also before I was born I remember when she had a steamy sex scene in that Spike Lee film. She should make a movie called Steamy Sex Scene. Well, If "The Take" doesn't do so well, look for "Steamy Sex Scene" straight to Blu-Ray.

3. Moby Wants You On The Dance Floor!
Moby is apparently very demanding....the first line of the article goes like this:
"Moby just wants you to dance. Shake your booty. Get jiggy with it. Throw your hands in the air like you just....well, you get the idea."

I don't have much to say about Moby, save that he is amusing looking to me.

But i do have this to say, CNN; when you are done spending your time with these type of introductions...there is a man out there blogging online that you could nearly as good as that. Here's what I would have said, for example:
"Moby might be more than a man, he might be a machine....a dance machine..from the future...and he may have just reprogrammed your brain...to get on the damn floor. Well, shithead, who are you to disobey the MobyBot, huh?"

CNN...you can contact me at 407.555.1234, just kidding, thats a movie phone number...but don't let that stop you, I am available...starting now.

until next time...

Continue reading...

R.I.P. Charlton Heston

Tonight I spent the evening watching 'Blood Diamond.' Sadly, when I returned online, Yahoo!'s main story was that Charlton Heston has died. He was 84.

It's always sad when a legendary screen actor dies, even if one isn't too familiar with their work. For me when I hear 'Charlton Heston' I immediately think of 'Planet of the Apes' and 'Ben-Hur,' two great movies. Of course, he's been in many, many other movies (numerous sites mention 'The Ten Commandments,' which I have not seen). I'm a bit too young, but I'm sure my parents are taking this hard. Either way, R.I.P. one more legend from the golden age of Hollywood. Yippee for morbid news.

Continue reading...

Make Me A Supermodel -- Pre-Finale

Before today I'd only seen a couple episodes of Bravo's new series, Make Me A Supermodel. I didn't like it much because I do not like the concept of uninformed America choosing who wins. Granted, the judges choose a bottom 3 for America to pick from, but that's weak.

Today I watched a marathon so I could be prepared for the finale tonight. I'm prepared for America to fail again, but hopefully they think smart and pick Holly as the winner. Let's get a preview.

Why does America fail so badly? How about when Shannon had one bad week and was in the bottom two against Ronnie. Both had one challenge win under their belt. However, this was the first time Shannon was in the bottom. It was Ronnie's fourth. Yes. Fourth. And because Ronnie is the funny gay guy, Shannon was voted off. What an awful decision.

And now it is down to the final four. Let's run some stats.

Holly: 4 Wins (including the 3 most recent), 1 Bottom Three
Perry: 1 Win, 1 Bottom Three
Ronnie: 1 Win, 4 Bottom Three
Ben: 1 Win, 4 Bottom Three

I could deal with Perry winning. I think he's great. But Holly is by far the best, yet for some reason I can't stop anticipating Ben or Ronnie will pull an undeserved win. Well, we'll see in 2 hours.

Continue reading...

In Theaters April 4

It's that time of the month again. No, wait. Week. That time of the week again. Yes, that is what I was aiming for. It looks like this week may be a gamble. Last week I gambled on '21' and lost miserably. Let's see if we can do better this week.

Leatherheads || IMDb

I like George Clooney. Who doesn't, right? Plus I have a small man-crush on John Krasinski, and seeing him on Leno a few days ago solidified that, while this movie has some things going for it, we're looking at a bench warmer movie at best. Though it's only a few reviews, the movie has scored low on both Rottentomatoes and IMDb. 'Good Night and Good Luck.' was a great film, but here, well, let's wait for George's next round at directing.

Rating: Download

Nim's Island || IMDb

A little better, though I think children's movies have a bit of an advantage. It seems like they get more leeway from critics because the subject matter doesn't have to be as mature. But then again, a good movie is a good movie. I think this one will safely be 'enjoyable but not memorable.'

Rating: Dollar Theater

The Ruins || IMDb

I'm kind of partial to this one, but only because I've been on a horror movie kick. But, A) the movie is rated R, so that's a start, and B) it looks to branch a bit beyond typical 'dead teenager movies.' Those two criteria put it immediately above most horror movies released recently, so there you go.

Rating: Theater

Shine a Light || IMDb

A documentary about the Rolling Stones. Basically, if you like the Rolling Stones, you'll like this. If not, then not.

Rating: Dollar Theater

Jon's Pick of the Week: The Ruins

DVD Release of the Week: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Continue reading...

Top Chef -- Film Food

Honestly, what better theme could there be, for me, than film food? Picking a movie and using it to inspire a dish? Pretty smooth. Though, granted, it's not as exciting as it sounds.

But I'm jumping ahead. The Quickfire Challenge was entertaining, with the contestants required to make a dish of vegetables to show off skill sets. Yay for Top Chef sticking to challenges that actually measure skill!

Dale's was the best and I'm pleased he won. Sure, like ______ said (okay, I can't remember which contestant said it), knife skills aren't everything in cooking. Well, maybe, but they mean a lot.

So the Elimination Challenge was in pairs (Dale got to pick who he went with), and each pair had to pick a movie to use as a dish inspiration. The reason? They were cooking for Richard Roeper (who I seldom agree with, but that's irrelevant).

The best ones were the 'Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory' dish, which won, respectively. It's funny how the judges said that you wouldn't think any of the ingredients would go together, but they worked and tasted great. But then, the other contestants were talking shit, saying, "There's no way that tasted good." Well, this proves you can't judge a dish by its plating. And also why watching a cooking show on television stinks, but what can ya' do?

The dish for 'Top Secret!' was good, and again, keeps in line with my theory of Stephanie winning the whole thing. I also thought the 'A Christmas Story' dish was inspired, and the judges seemed to like it a lot. I was surprised it had almost no recognition.

Manuel and Spike's 'Good Morning, Vietnam' dish was indeed awful. And yes, they clearly thought of the movie after to fit their dish. Spike's one of my favorites, so I was really worried for about ten minutes. Thankfully the other guy went home.

Overall, not a bad episode. And also, I'm now one week closer to my wedding to Padma. You're all invited. (If I say it enough, will it happen?)

Continue reading...

A Retraction

A few weeks ago I linked to an article that alleged that P. Diddy was involved in the first shooting of Tupac, the one that resulted in the song "Hit Em Up" and my poignant 1Pac joke. Well apparently the evidence was falsified. I'm really sorry Puff Daddy,I didn't mean to sully your sterling rep.

That being said,

this changes nothing about how I feel about Puff Daddy, it only helped to open my eyes. Puff Daddy could kill more people than Hitler, or he could cure cancer... I would still think he is a giant toolbox, all the time. I don't know what it is. I just do not like that guy.

So my original diss is retracted... replaced by this one.

Remember when Sean "Puffy" Combs wore that giant puffy jacket in that one video, then spent the rest of his career cashing in on the death of his "best friend." That was awesome.

Continue reading...

Growth Cap Coalition Formed in Polk County

A Growth Cap Coalition, endorsed by the Sierra Club and Lake Region Audubon Society, has formed in Polk County, Florida. Their website has recently launced, which includes a printable petition to get a growth cap amendment added to the upcoming ballot.

It will be interesting to see what happens with this, whether or not residents of Polk County have a vision for their region, or if developers will be determining these issues. Being one of the fastest growing counties in the state, much of the population is new to the area, and may not have much investment in "rural character" and may not be aware of local environmental issues.

In reference to transit, the Coalition's proposed charter ammendment "will ensure a trend to higher density urban areas which will make mass transportation more feasible."

On April 1st, the Winter Haven Planning Commission is having their regular metting.

Stay tuned to Eggs n Bloggin for the Official Solution to Overdevelopment.

Continue reading...

Yahoo!'s Top 10 Movie Cars

Yahoo!, always on the cutting edge of misinformed news and horrible articles, has recently released a list for a Hollywood Auto Show. Check the article for pictures -- here's the list reproduced for easier viewing.

• DeLorean DMC-12 from 'Back to the Future'


• 1970 Dodge Challenger R/T from 'Grindhouse (Death Proof)' and 'Vanishing Point'


• Wayne Industries Tumbler from 'Batman Begins'


• 1968 390 GT V8 Ford Mustang from 'Bullitt'


• 2009 Chevrolet Camaro from 'Transformers'


• 1963 Aston Martin DB5 from numerous James Bond films


• 2002 MINI Cooper S from 'The Italian Job'


• 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California from 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'


• 2002 Nissan 350Z Fairlady from 'The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift'


• 1963 Model 117 Volkswagon Type 1 'Beetle' Deluxe from 'Herbie: Fully Loaded'

Transformers? The Italian Job? Fast and the Furious? There's obviously some glaring omissions from Yahoo!'s vulgar list.


How about in Harold and Maude, when Harold turns his Porsche into a hearse? Possibly one of the most creative, and amusing vehicles. Especially since we see it drive off a cliff at the end of the movie.



Also, how could they forget the Ectomobile, the inspired hearse/ambulance from Ghostbusters? Easily one of the best vehicles of our time.



What about the Pussy Wagon from Kill Bill: Volume 1? Definitely one of the most ridiculous cars in movie history. (Sorry, hard to find good pictures of it on the net.)



The final noteworthy void in the 'top movie cars' list is the popular Mystery Machine from the Scooby Doo movies (and TV series, naturally). This is one of my personal favorites...



And that's it for my substitutions to their list. Though I think one thing we can definitely all agree on is the DeLorean is the best -- end of story.

Continue reading...

In Theaters March 28

Finally, it looks like a decent week for some movie action. Recently I went and saw 'Horton Hears a Who.' Decently entertaining, except the whole time I could only think of the Mayor, voiced by Steve Carell, as Michael Scott from the Office. But that made it funnier.

21 || IMDb

Everything about this movie looks good. Capable director, fun plot premise (who doesn't like gambling/casino movies?), Kevin Spacey, and Kate Bosworth back at a healthy weight. The trailer looks good, but for some reason I just feel like it's going to flop. There's just something missing, and I can't place my finger on it. On Rottentomatoes it has a 38% off of 37 reviews, and that's not too hot. Either way, I shall see it and report back.

Rating: Theater

Run, Fat Boy, Run || IMDb

'Hot Fuzz' was one of my favorite movies last year. Unfortunately it looks like Simon Pegg is starting to go downhill. Maybe he just needs a paycheck. I mean, sometimes that's gotta be the case. Seriously though, this movie looks like it may have some moments, but overall, just keep in mind it's directed by Ross from Friends.

Rating: Rental

Stop-Loss || IMDb

Let's do a pro/con list.

Pros: Scott Rudin, producer.

Cons: Woman director (sorry, but the only one to come to mind with more than one movie worth watching is Sofia Coppola*), an MTV production, America is tired of war movies (see: all of last year), Ryan Phillippe is the only noteworthy cast member, and even he isn't that big of a sell.

Some people are enthusiastic and calling it a must-see. I don't see it.

Rating: Download

Superhero Movie || IMDb

If you're really considering this, you need more help than I can provide.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

Jon's Pick of the Week: 21

DVD Release of the Week: Bonnie and Clyde special edition! If you haven't seen this amazing classic, you should get on it. Seriously. One of the best movies ever made.

* Yes, there have been quite a few movies directed by women. Some of my favorites, to be honest. But those that have directed more than one that was received well? That's my point.

Continue reading...

Top Chef -- Block Party

The third episode of this season's Top Chef is easily the best yet. I mean, how often do you see a contestant threaten that if he goes home, security will have to drag him out?

The Quickfire Challenge was pretty boring. Fine dining tacos? I agree with the contestants in that the challenge was a bit odd. But then again, this is reality TV, so why not? Richard's dish looked like crap, and like all Top Chef episodes, I wish I could taste the food as well. And, am I the only one that thinks Richard looks like a white Forest Whitaker?



Tell me I'm not crazy?

With that said, the Block Party challenge was entertaining, though I still have gripes about elimination challenges being determined by factors with such variance (items they find in peoples' houses).

The single best line of the season came from Zoi, when talking about how she got stuck with pasta salad. "Pasta salad isn't a top dish. I'm not going to win Top Chef by making fucking pasta salad." It's actually funnier with a bleep.

The judge's table was great. I love when the judges put contestants who think they know it all into their place. "Everyone tried the salad and it was good? Well then you all have poor pallets." Owned, so hard. I like Tom more and more each episode.

Erik going home for has awful corn dogs was a solid choice. I mean, who even makes corn dogs anyway? Also, Erik's been in the low two out of three times (counting this episode), so this is good.

Stephanie winning may confirm my earlier theory that whoever wins the first challenge will win the whole show. Again, we'll see.

This episode confirms that I'm going to marry Padma. I mean, look how gracefully she dropped her s'more.

Continue reading...

Another Edition of Thats The News? Really?

24 Hours Later CNN still brings the goods, at some point I may switch news providers, but for now its so simple from where I'm sitting.

(these links are all currently displayed on www.cnn.com front page as of 6:05 Tuesday, March 25th)

1. Man Shooting Hole Through Wall Kills Wife
Deepwater Man Fatally Shoots Wife While Installing Satellite TV

This person was drilling a hole in their wall to install a satellite dish, and he just couldnt get through. So he used a handgun. The only problem being that his wife was on the other side of the wall and he killed her. Now on first glance this seems like a Darwin Awards nominee. But I think he tried to kill her, honestly, what are the chances that she would be outside of the wall. Unless he said honey, will you see if this drills straight through. Actually now im torn, he is either crazy like a fox, or a sad dummy.

2. Stubborn Homeowners Live By Oozing Volcano
The best part of this is the picture. They honestly live in the middle of a lava floe in hawaii.
In recent weeks the lava has gotten worse, their house may be incinerated, awesome. I feel like this is a movie too, cept the something much worse emerges from the volcano, something no one expected...something that will kill these people in the first 12 minutes of the movie as they galavant around their lava decks in their lava homes.

3. Miss Bimbo site allows young players to compete to become the hottest bimbo in the world (online)
You would not believe how much energy it took to prevent me from becoming the biggest bimbo in the interwebs. And this quote kills me...(paraphrased)
"people have ignored the positive aspects of the game...what about the sudoku challenges, what about loving your bimbo, sending your bimbo to college."
-The Game Creator
Equally bizarre is the CNN anchors, who arent supposed to have an opinion, ANCHORS not commentators, going nuts over it, calling it ridiculous and not right.
If you find a bimbo on there called Dani, its probably not me, but if its really tall and has beautiful brown hair...maybe.......

Continue reading...

Seminole Word of the Week

We've got DVD Releases of the Week, Links of the Week, and now, I present to our reading public the exciting new edition of Seminole Word of the Week

Pahokee – grassy waters

Pahokee is a town on the eastern shore of Lake Okeechobee in Palm Beach County, Florida. Sugar cane and corn are the most popular crops grown in this agricultural community. The older town buildings as well as sprawling apartment complexes are surrounded by lush green crop-fields that spread out towards the horizon.

I drove through the place yesterday in wet and misty weather. Police sirens reflected in puddles of water and through my windshield as a woman in a shower cap stepped into the road to alert me to the presence of police officers ahead. I wasn’t doing anything illegal but was grateful to her for the gesture.

There is a stunning photo essay about the place. Check it out on Flickr


As of the 2000 census, Native Americans made up 0.10 per cent of the population.

Continue reading...

Its The News! according to cnn

Just picked headlines off the main page at cnn.com, which once again proves the news is ridiculous and probably mostly make believe.

1. Sarah Jessica Parker named Maxim's Unsexiest Woman
cnn.com link
I'm sure this is based on the amount of your money your girlfriend or wife spends after watching sex and the city. Nothing is less sexy than 750 dollars of Manolo Blahnik pumps, not when that 750 bones could have gone towards two xbox 360s and 10 pizzas from Little Ceazies...(and that's only approximate math).

2. "Barbie Bandits" Sentenced
cnn.com link
Two young women, exotic dancers in fact, robbed an Atlanta area bank, and they were in cahoots with a clerk there. They planned to split the money between them, I can only imagine what the clerk was gettin (am i right!). And if you don't think that Jeremy and I are already working on the script for the lifetime movie, than you absolutely have no idea what kind of people we are. The sequel, where they are in a federal prison is for SHOWTIME (hello, KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN!). But seriously, if anyone needs writers for the big screen version of this Jeremy and I can do it, and actually we are very tasteful. And Jeremy does great British accents for characters.

3. Pilots Gun goes off on flight from Denver.
cnn.com link
A pilot accidently discharged his handgun on a US Airways flight, which shot through the side of the plane. I admit that is pretty scary, not just the gun going off but that we are arming pilots...the same guys that like three times a year get busted for flying drunk. And also the same guys that lock the door to the flight deck. So they are supposed to have a loaded gun inside the flight deck, and if the rest of the plane has hostages then they open the flight deck, and shoot a gun in the plane, then the terrorists take over the plane? You might as well give my mom a gun. I'm gonna start taking John Madden's bus.

Continue reading...

Southland Tales -- 'A' for Effort

A new movie has just come to DVD -- one you may or may not have heard of. It's Southland Tales (IMDb link here). It's written and directed by Richard Kelly, better known as the writer/director of Donnie Darko. The movie stars The Rock, Sarah Michele Gellar, Seann William Scott, Justin Timberlake, Mandy Moore, and about 20 other recognizable celebrities.

The movie looks good on paper, doesn't it?

Reception has not been so good. According to IMDb, "Scored the lowest reviews for the 2006 Cannes Film Festival, averaging 1.1 out of 5 in all the dailies." It has only a 34% on Rottentomatoes, and only made about $356,000 worldwide (off of a $17,000,000 budget). You'd have a tough time finding a critic who can argue for the movie's worthiness of its 144 minute runtime.

I'm not going to argue that the movie is by any means great, or that it's even up to par with Donnie Darko. What I'm saying is that the movie is worth watching, regardless of the fact it (probably) doesn't make sense in the end.

I have always been of the philosophy that special effects are no substitute for solid writing and good direction. I still stand by that, but let me just say that Southland Tales is a visual treat, even though some of Kelly's choices for shots leave a bit to be desired. CGI, A+

There are two fundamental problems with Southland Tales, both in the writing department. First, a majority of the characters talk in stock patterns, phrases uttered that no one who has had a real conversation would use. But, the writing is consistent, and perhaps people in this future will speak like this. It didn't bug me much, but a problem, it still is.

The second, and larger of the two problems, is that there are so many subplots that keeping them straight is a webbed nightmare, and even when they all meet at the end, it still doesn't make any damn sense. What we can make sense of still doesn't seem worthwhile. So much build-up and almost no payoff. I cannot imagine a greater flaw in a movie.

We have an actor, married into a senator family, who leads a global monitoring of the internet, as well as endorses a drug that really isn't explained very well, while the actor has amnesia and is living with a porn star who is trying to start her own business, while she and the actor have somehow written a script that predicts the future, and the actor is researching it with a cop, also with amnesia -- who has a twin brother -- and plans to stage a fake murder for an organization that plans to take down the global monitoring corporation, but... are you still reading?

Those are most of the main plot points. There are lots of threads that tie everything together, and a lot of it makes sense, but Richard Kelly tries to do too much in too little time. All of this would take a whole season of a television show to unfold correctly. Instead we get it in one movie sitting. (sidenote: that's why there are graphic novels and whatnot released as well. Go, marketing, but that's not the point.)

I liked the movie, despite its flaws. But in the end, if you're thinking about renting this, do yourself a favor and rent either Mulholland Dr., or Donnie Darko. The former is, well, one of the best movie ever about similar subject matter (again -- kind of), the latter similar in the element of time warps. But, if you've seen both of those movies, go ahead and give Southland Tales a shot. If you regret it, I won't pay for your rental.

Continue reading...

Nature is Ridiculous

I rarely, if ever, check news to make sure it is accurate (aka posted on more than one source), but regardless, I have just read the most ridiculous article posted ever in the history of the internet. Check it out. If you're too lazy, here are some highlights:

"A 75-pound stingray killed a Michigan woman Thursday when it flew out of the water and struck her face as she rode a boat in the Florida Keys, officials said."

That's the opening. Three things of note in that sentence:

• A 75-pound stingray


• '...flew out of the water...'


• A woman driver (zing!)

How can this not be the most entertaining and informative article on stingrays you've ever read? (We will not count Steve Irwin because it's still too soon for jokes.)

What I gather from this article is a stingray with a 5-6 foot wingspan jumped out of the water and it ran into the woman, killing her on impact. The article continues:

"The impact likely killed the woman, and she did not appear to have puncture wounds from the ray's barb, Pino said. An autopsy is planned, Pino said."

Now, the boat was going 25 MPH. I'm no zoologist, but I've been to Sea World and petted stingrays, and they're kind of rubbery. If it's tail -- you know, it's weapon -- wasn't the cause of death, I can't imagine this was much worse than when I played kickball in elementary school. Then again, the ball wasn't six feet wide. Maybe it'd be more like being hit by a tractor tire......

"Spotted eagle rays can weigh 500 pounds and have a wingspan of up to 10 feet. They are known to occasionally jump out of the water but are not aggressive and use the venomous barb at the end of their tail for defense."

Holy crap. 500 pounds? That is literally two Hulk Hogans. Forget Jaws, I'd rather meet him than one of these monsters any day.

"'Rays jump to escape a predator, give birth and shake off parasites," said Lynn Gear, supervisor of fishes and reptiles at Theater of the Sea in Islamorada. "They do not attack people.'"

Possibly the most fascinating part of the article. Rays jump out of water to give birth? Maybe I've been living under a rock, but this amazes me. They must have amazing timing. Imagine if humans had to do that. Women giving birth in inflatable swimming pools. 'Okay, your water broke. We have about 23 minutes. Wait for it... Wait for it... Jump! No! Too early! Jump! Keep jumping!'

Not related to the article, but on the topic of stingrays, Wikipedia says this (therefore it must be accurate): "Mating season occurs in the winter. When a male is courting a female, he will follow her closely, biting at her pectoral disc. During mating, the male will go on top of the female (his belly on her back) and put one of his two claspers into her vent."

I'm going to try to work that into everyday conversation because, as a writer, I'm all for euphemisms. You should do it too. Next time you have to talk dirty, try, "I'm going to shove my clasper into your vent." See how she reacts, and definitely get back to me.

Continue reading...

In Theaters March 21

It looks to be another lackluster weekend, with some pretty bad movies opening. Is there anything really worth seeing this weekend? Can new box office lows be set? Will 'Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns' get a single positive review? More fun to follow, for in theaters March 21st.

Drillbit Taylor || IMDb

I'm not going to lie -- I really like Owen Wilson. I may even go so far as to say I'm a 'fan.' Of course, I'm referring to 'Wedding Crashers,' 'Starsky & Hutch,' and 'The Life Aquatic,' among others. This movie surely looks to fit into the category of failures for the talented brother. There's sure to be a few moments of comedy, but not near enough to make me leave home.

Rating: Download

Shutter || IMDb

I like really bad horror movies, but the have to be really, really bad. This movie has 'mediocre' written all over it. The only reason I may see it is because Rachel Taylor is a very gifted actress.... or, because she's hot. Either way, not going to be worth it.

Rating: Download

Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns || IMDb
If you had to bet whether this movie was about Tyler Perry interviewing some of the Cleveland Browns football players, or a movie that exploits stereotypes and piles on the cliches, which would you go with? Yeah, me too. I wish it was the other one.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

The Hammer || IMDb

This probably won't be a lot of places, but I'm reaching for watchable movies in theaters. This comedy looks moderately witty, and if anything, way funnier than the other two movies listed before combined. I'm skeptical about Adam Carolla in a non-Man Show role, but this looks okay. Check out the trailer here.

Rating: Theater

Jon's Pick of the Week: The Hammer

DVD Release of the Week: Atonement, for sure. Highly recommended. Also, Enchanted was really good. So get both.

Continue reading...

Top Chef - Zoo Food

Episode 2 of the new Top Chef season rolled around tonight. I think for the first bit I'll comment more on the show, and then progress to contestants as they become more familiar.

(Also, I definitely plan to make use of the 'Continue reading' feature regularly, so be sure to check that shiznit out.)

Interesting quickfire challenge, with Marc (I think that's his name) forgetting an ingredient, and then winning. But is it right for the guest judge to give him more credit because he messed up and recovered? Maybe other people messed up as well but did not feel the need to bring it up. But, Marc's dish may have been the best either way. We don't know, I guess.

But that didn't matter because he placed in one of the top groups.

Interesting concept, making dishes based only on what the animal would eat -- but ultimately I still felt a lack of scope in this week's challenge. I understand how hard it is to use only limited ingredients (well, in theory), but it's still nice to see people given almost no limitations on their dishes other than perhaps a common theme. It seems more real-world. But then again, this is only 'reality TV.'

My thoughts on Valerie going home? Who really cares at this point. She was what I shall coin as a 'blend-in.'

P.S. I'm still going to marry Padma (and buy her a new wardrobe, what was with that blue monstrosity tonight?).

Continue reading...

A Review Of Recent News

an opportunity for me to make sarcastic cracks based on today's news headlines.

1.  Freak Accident Kills ABBA Drummer

Mamma Mia!  My my, who would have thought that the garden would be his Waterloo.  He's no dancing queen.   I guess he didnt see THE SIGN.  Nope, thats Ace Of Base, they played the same music as ABBA, just 20 years past the point when that type of scandinavian ridiculo-pop music was popular or even slightly relevant.  

2. Naked Man Runs Amok In Grocery Store

I don't really feel like this needs any commentary, but I don't think that'll stop me.  Produce anyone.  I really wish I could have come up with something better than that.  

3.  Puff Daddy's associate's linked with first Tupac Shooting

This isn't the shooting that killed Tupac, this is killing that made 2pac into 1pac, if you get my meaning.  (my meaning is allegedly, he lost a testicle in that shooting, thats my meaning.)  So, how do you feel about Biggie and Puffy if they ordered a hit on Tupac and really started the East Coast/West Coast rivalry, whats that...you still think puff daddy is a gigantic toolbox, yeah me too. 

Continue reading...

Integrity vs. Quantity?

Why is Netflix better than Blockbuster?

First, I suggest you read (or, glance over) this article by Jim Emerson, where he explains much more eloquently than I could what Blockbuster does to their DVD releases.

Basically, Blockbuster refuses to rent out DVDs that are NC-17 rated (I know this first-hand because I wanted to rent the 1997 'Crash' a while back). But the worst part is not that, but that they have some films cut and edited down to an R rating, but do not tell their customers they did so -- resulting in sometimes a very different movie. This is for in-store as well as online -- rentals.

Netflix does not do this, never will do this, and honestly has a much, much wider selection anyway. Plus, Netflix gives their viewers a "Watch Now" option (streamed instantly to your computer), which I don't think Blockbuster has (correct me if I'm wrong).

So why is Netflix not the clear winner here?

There is a loop-hole with the Blockbuster system that two of my friends have confirmed works. If I recall correctly, it works something like this:

Say you have a 2-at-a-time unlimited policy with Blockbuster. That means you mail one back, they receive it, and mail you another movie; however, you can also return the movie to a store yourself, physically, and get a new rental for free. The trick is, once you return the movie in person, you get the rental instantly as well as the next movie in your online queue mailed the next day. So if you had two movies, you could watch them both, go to the store, return them and get two new ones, and have two more at your house over one mail day -- the result being four movies at a time (for your 2-at-a-time plan). Pretty sweet, right?

The thing is that this only benefits people like me, who watch at least one movie a day, almost every day -- but even then it's still tough to burn through four movies fast enough to justify this. I had 3-at-a-time Netflix and barely ever had none at home. Now I'm on 2 and it's perfect.

But, what kind of movie kid would I be if I watched edited, cleansed versions of movies? Cuts that aren't a 'Director's Cut,' but a hack 'Blockbuster Cut?' I'm sorry, but no. I value artistic integrity in film, regardless of how good or bad the movie may be.

And just a bit of information: I worked it out last night and I've had Netflix for just under two years. For the price I pay, it's worked out to $2.50 a movie. Not bad at all, especially since I probably couldn't have found half of those in regular video stores (Blockbuster, or otherwise). I think it's $5 to rent a movie in-store at Blockbuster.

Continue reading...

In Theaters March 14

At least there's some promise in the new releases for March 14th. Also, though DVDs are released on Tuesdays, I'm going to include a little bit at the bottom for those, too.

Doomsday || IMDb

Clearly a joke on the American public. I will be surprised if it surpasses 15% on RottenTomatoes. If this is your thing, just go see any of the other thousands of movies with this premise.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who || IMDb

Finally, some promise. Even when a Dr. Seuss adaptation goes bad, it's still usually watchable (Grinch -- the Jim Carrey one). The preview looks promising and there's it's certified 'fresh' on RottenTomatoes, so it's worth checking out.

Rating: Dollar Theater

Never Back Down || IMDb

This movie looks really, really bad. The only thing going for it is Jeff Wadlow also directed 'Cry_Wolf,' and though that movie was pretty bad, it's a guilty pleasure of mine. So yeah, nothing to see here, kids.

Rating: Download

Jon's Pick of the Week: Horton Hears a Who

DVD Release of the Week: --just kidding, nothing good comes out this week. Check out 'No Country for Old Men' if you haven't seen it.

Continue reading...

Links of the week

I've been gone but I'm back.
yo yo yo.........

www.overheardinnewyork.com - hilarious (often inappropriate) conversations overheard in New York City, so 2 years ago.

wwww.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com - An outsiders view on the culture of white people. Insightful.

http://www.touristpictures.com/foodfight/index.htm - All the post WW2 wars...as represented by the food of the involved nations.

www.straightcashhomey.net - Unfortunate jersey sightings...awesome.

Continue reading...

Top Chef -- A New Season

Now that Project Runway has finished its season, time to switch to something new on Bravo. Time for Top Chef: Chicago!

The trick with shows like this is that for the first few episodes so many people are thrown your way, it's hard to remember who's who, who has talent, or even care about people because they haven't shown real personality.

The quickfire challenge was interesting, mainly because no one knew how to make deep dish pizza. However, at this point, who cares?

The elimination challenge was much better. I like when people have to compete 1-vs-1. Hate when people have to do teams. I have this theory -- with little basis -- that the winner of the first challenge makes it to the finals. It was true for Project Runway (with Rami), so we'll see if it pans out here. With that said, the winner of the first challenge was Stephanie.

Going home: Nimma. Who else saw that one coming? She was being a B, as well as antisocial.

Should be an interesting season.

In related news, I'm going to marry Padma.

Continue reading...

More Rail Talk

The blog National Railroad News made a positive mention of increased rails coming to Central Florida. Let's hope so.

Check out this blog for "more railroad news than you can shake a stick at."

Continue reading...

What to do About All That Traffic

An article in the Lakeland Ledger yesterday stated that Polk County commissioners have voted to put the CSX terminal and commuter rail placed on hold until it can be further studied.

Of course, it is important to know as much as possible about a project before starting. But improving transit is not something that should be forced to wait in Central Florida. Especially if this further investigation the commissioners are requesting is superfluous.

This blog has previously discussed the transformation of Haines City and the I-4 Corridor into a bedroom suburb of Orange and Osceola. If that is indeed the region's future (and present reality) then rapid transit ought to be of the highest concern for city planners and tri-county area leaders.

In a second article on Thursday, the Ledger reported that Lake Alfred officials are "ecstatic" about a road construction project that will widen 17-92 as it passes through the city. This project is being pushed through quickly following an incident of congestion that occurred when I-4 was closed.

The idea that building more roads will alleviate traffic is a fallacy. To lessen the traffic burden on I-4, Orange, Osceola, and Polk counties need to build rapid public transit, like the proposed commuter rail.

In Miami-Dade County, there is a need for more Metro-Rail lines, but there is a sentiment that it is almost too late. Because development is so dense, it would take massive restructuring of neighborhoods, large amounts of land acquisition, and lots of money.

If Central Florida wants to avoid a similar situation the counties involved need to act quicker than they have been. In the case of Orlando, existing sprawl may already make this an extremely difficult task. This request for further investigation needs to move quickly.

Continue reading...

Project Runway Season 4

Last night the season finale of Project Runway came around. I know that Tim Gunn, as well as the judges, have been saying how talented the designers were this season. I agreed, but there were still some bad apples. For the finale it was definitely three of the best designers -- Rami, Christian, and Jillian.

What was interesting about the finale is Christian's lack of confidence. He has normally been the cocky kid that gets on everyone's nerves, and it was nice to see that he is human and can be emotional. Also, it was amusing watching him and Posh Spice exchange compliments.

I'm probably one of the few people sad that Christian won. This makes the second season for me where my favorite got second (the other was when Daniel V lost to Chloe in Season Two). I mean, Christian's clothes were well made, but give me some non-black garments.

Who am I to debate the judges, but I think Rami should've won. There was much more versatility and variety in his designs, yet as Nina Garcia said, you could look at all of them and tell they were Rami's designs. In my opinion Christian won because, A) Victoria Beckham loved his stuff, and B) he is younger and it seems like Project Runway wants to give the fresh face a chance. Rami is already kind of established, so yeah...

Either way though, the real discernible conclusion is that Heidi Klum is a really big dork. Between the reunion episode where edits weren't as abundant, and here when she said Christian was "uber fierce," she has solidified herself as goofy in my book. And I like her more because of it.

Here's to next season.

Continue reading...

In Theaters March 7

It's a trend that the movie year goes in a cycle. There's usually a beginning of the year slump, a slew of summer blockbusters, and then 3 months of artsy, awards-bound films. Very rarely do movies win Oscars that came out in the first half of the year. And here we are, the beginning of March.

But that does not mean quality entertainment is impossible -- you'll just have to look a little harder to find it. Each Thursday I'll post a column describing new releases, along with a mostly unbiased description, weighing cast & crew, critical reception, how promising the trailer is, and a bit of personal intuition. It will cover all WIDE releases, and a few LIMITED releases.

The rating system will be: Midnight Showing, Opening Weekend, Dollar Theater, Rental, Download, Not If They Paid You.

Without further ado:

In Theaters March 7, 2008

10,000 B.C. || IMDb

Writer/Director Roland Emmerich seems to be a master of the mediocre disaster. His credits include 'The Day After Tomorrow,' 'The Patriot,' and 'Independence Day.' I doubt it will be much better or worse than any of those movies -- a solid action flick with lots to be desired from a critical standpoint. If you like mindless action, this will be your thing, but for me...

Rating: Download

The Bank Job || IMDb

Jason Statham is close to the top of the one-character-actors list. At least Vin Diesel played a nanny. Despite his lack of range, this could be the right role for him. Bound to be predictable, yet I'm sure it will be entertaining.

Rating: Dollar Theater

College Road Trip || IMDb

Ohhhhhhhhh, man. The only reason I would see this is to count how many stereotypes can be shamelessly thrown around. And that is not enough to get me out of the house. How could the director of 'Just Friends' go wrong, you ask? I just don't know, sometimes you have it and sometimes you don't.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

Jon's Pick of the Week: Rent 'Into the Wild' on DVD. Or, if you must, 'The Bank Job.'

Continue reading...

The Other Boleyn Girl

Tonight, despite my better judgment, I was at a showing of 'The Other Boleyn Girl.' Writer Peter Morgan had a fantastic year in 2006 ('The Queen' and 'The Last King of Scotland'), so I figured he may be able to overcome the handicap of a lukewarm cast -- including Eric Bana, Natalie Portman, and Scarlett Johansson.

Now, I've taken enough British literature and history classes that I should know the monarchy from top to bottom in my sleep, but alas, it sieves through my memory like the thinest of sand. However, in this case the subject matter is more familiar than most. The story centers around King Henry -- the one who had a reputation for decapitating his wives when they could not give him a male heir. It is no spoiler that in one of the final scenes Anne Boleyn (Natalie Portman) has her head cut off center stage.

This is not a movie review... not completely. What I will say is that the problem with the movie was this: Despite a good cast, as much as I wanted to get into the movie, it constantly felt like a drag through history class instead of a movie experience. It was almost like watching a documentary. And I'm fine with documentaries... when I want to watch a documentary. I understand Peter Morgan's obligation to stick to the ropes of history, but if you're going to change a few details, why not go all-out to make the story better? Go big or go home, I say.

The most interesting part of the movie, by far, was watching Anne Boleyn slither her way into the bed of the king, manipulating everyone around her. Unfortunately that was not enough to carry the movie.

What I really think is interesting... well, here's a quick rundown according to the movie (so don't yell at me if I'm wrong).

Henry was married to his Queen, who could produce no male heir.
He impregnated Mary (Scarlet Johansson) for a male heir, but Anne seduced him and convinced him to make Mary's child a bastard ("Never speak to her again").
Mary denied him and denied him, until Henry went mad -- divorcing his Queen, separating from the Catholic church in Rome, and marrying Anne. He realized his mistake fairly soon, but hoped for a masculine child. Their first child was female (the future Queen Elizabeth, I think).
He gave her a second chance. This time she miscarried. Shortly thereafter he had Anne beheaded.

Here's the twist -- you figure it's a 50/50 chance of a child's gender (right?), so what if Anne's first child had been a boy? Would their marriage have lasted? Would he have dealt with their unhappiness for the sake of the future king? How would he have ruled differently than Elizabeth? Surely it would've been a very different angle. Would they have had more kids (boys, girls, doesn't matter)?

Is it bad that I care more about what could have happened historically if a potential coin toss turned up differently? Maybe, maybe not. But if you're considering seeing this movie, I'd wait for DVD. Watch a much better movie about the monarchy, like, I don't know, 'The Queen.'

Continue reading...

Education Breakdown - Miami Edison Senior High School

What happened at Miami Edison Senior High School this past Friday has got me thinking about the futility of our education system.

A friend of mine and I were recently talking. I suggested that teaching, and education in general, was the most important job in the country.

“Teaching is a noble profession,” he said, “fine. But it’s definitely not the most important.”

“But what about the impact you can make in a child's life?” I said.

“Sure, you might really help a few kids, but probably just one a year. Maybe teaching could or should be the most important job," he said, "but it's not."

Now, this is where Edison comes to mind. As one girl in one of the many Youtube videos pointed out, we really do run our schools like prisons. Dropout rates are incredible, and testing scores prove that in poor neighborhoods, many kids are learning close to nothing.

So what difference is our attempt at education really making? What change from previous socio-economic conditions are the majority of the kids at this high school going to see? And what will be their impression of the institution of education—that police will interfere any time a group tries to demonstrate against the powers that be?

The violence that took place at Miami Edison this past Friday should be a giant red flag to this city, and anyone else who is paying attention to problems in their own area. Regardless of who was to blame—the vice principal, the students who threw debris at police officers, or the police officers themselves for their conduct towards minors—the conclusion we should draw is that one of the United State’s largest cities has a population of young people who are angry, discontent, and eager to voice these feelings.

And also, that this country will still send police to shut down demonstrations and use violence, even when it is children demonstrating, and especially when they are black children.

It doesn't seem like just a few children are falling through the cracks. The education system that I know in Florida is built upon a giant, gaping hole in the ground, where life's other problems seem to be dragging it down quickly.

Can our education system really support these kids, and give them a chance for social mobility, for a better future?

Continue reading...

Mick Jagger Vs. Hells Angels or Undercover Of The Night or What Happened to Sticktoitiveness?

I recently read this article about a failed assassination attempt on Mick Jagger in 1969, perpetrated by the world famous, tougher 'n hell motorcycle gang, The Hells Angels.
The article gives little insight into the botched murder. In it's tantalizing brevity, it does raise some important questions (and or statements...statements I would like to make, regarding The Hells Angels and/or Mick Jagger).

1. The Hells Angels are not very persistant.
According to the article, after the boat of assassins was scuttled and all of it's murderous crew were thrown overboard, the Angels just gave up. They didn't get back in the boat that night and keep heading towards Jagger's house in the Hamptons. They didn't head back to some grungy bar and plot something heinous for a future date, they just forgot about it. No harm no foul. They apparently letting sleeping dogs lie, ended the feud and went back to running Columbian Coke and knifing hippies.

How do you become a world famous, crazy as hell, tough as nails, insane gang known for being all-round super bad ass when you let a little bit of rough seas ruin your carefully hatched murder plot. I'm not saying that I wish they had killed Mick (although we could all live without another Rolling Stones wrinkly and old World Tour) I just kind of expected more from the Angels, that's all.

2. The Hells Angels don't plan very well.
Did no one check the weather before they got into the boat to head for Mick's mansion in the Hamptons? How bad was the weather that it actually sent everyone overboard. Did they go out in The Perfect Storm or something? I know they didn't have The Weather Channel or www.weather.com but c'mon. No one looked outside and was like...geez, the weather looks awful, let's wait a day. Or maybe...lets take a car.

Seriously, couldn't they have driven to Mick's house. I wonder if they even knew that Long Island was accessible by car (or motorcycle). Did they plan to boat on over to Long Island Marina then travel the remaining distance to Mick's home by foot?
I guess it's possible that none of them even owned cars, just extremely loud motorcycles. And I guess, unlike modern celebrities who are required to have 2 custom choppers a piece, screaming belching hogs might have raised some eyebrows with the West Egg Elites in the late 60s.

3. What Was The Boat Like?
In my mind the boat was a nautical version of a chopper. Way too loud. Ridiculous paint job. Ineffective design and impossible to use controls. All of which would explain the flipping, or submerging or whatever happened that made them call it a night. It probably had some ridiculous outboard motor with way too much horsepower, flames down the sides of it. I don't know how the controls could have come anywhere near being as impossible as those ape hanger handlebars, but something along those lines seems appropriate. They were going too fast up the face of a wave and, whoopsie, non-swimming crazy biker assassins in the drink.

I also imagine alot of wet vests and soggy handlebar moustaches, and them all moping back to have a beer, kill a hooker and give up on ever committing an act that would have approached the later assassination of John Lennon in publicity. We should all be grateful, right? I just keep wondering where the heck were the Hells Angels that I'd heard so much about.
This group of celebrity assassins were pathetic.

Continue reading...

Big Brother -- a Week in Recap

What a great week for Reality TV. And by ‘Reality TV’ I mean Big Brother 9. This week Chelsia&James were HOH and put Alex&Amanda up for nominations, along with Matt&Natalie. Good nominations because Amanda is an obnoxious *female dog*. It’s also mildly amusing because of ‘Operation Condor,’ the premise of which is that Alex&Amanda’s pictures are on the top of the wall, and like a condor would swoop down and take its prey, they will swoop and knock out the top row. That’s creative, I guess, but not witty at all. Either way it worked, and Alex&Amanda went home with a 3-0 vote.

This week I started to like Chelsia&James a lot more, despite him having a pink Mohawk and her hair not being equal length on both sides. I think they’re my ‘favorite’ couple.

Also, this week there were two near-death scenarios (okay, maybe not). I love me some hypochondriacs.

The definite best part of this week was tonight after Sharon&Josh won new HOH. Julie Chen (easily the worst host in the history of any show) asked them what they would want to bring into the house, and after some standard stuff, Josh said, “Asking for too much would be you in my bed, Julie.” Obviously even better since, A) Josh is gay, and B) the studio and/or Julie were so offended that she kept going full speed, not acknowledging it and hoping no one would notice, and C) it was really funny.

Predicted nominees for next week: Allison&Ryan (this one seems fairly obvious), and a shot in the dark, Adam&Sheila. We will see.

Continue reading...