A Retraction

A few weeks ago I linked to an article that alleged that P. Diddy was involved in the first shooting of Tupac, the one that resulted in the song "Hit Em Up" and my poignant 1Pac joke. Well apparently the evidence was falsified. I'm really sorry Puff Daddy,I didn't mean to sully your sterling rep.

That being said,

this changes nothing about how I feel about Puff Daddy, it only helped to open my eyes. Puff Daddy could kill more people than Hitler, or he could cure cancer... I would still think he is a giant toolbox, all the time. I don't know what it is. I just do not like that guy.

So my original diss is retracted... replaced by this one.

Remember when Sean "Puffy" Combs wore that giant puffy jacket in that one video, then spent the rest of his career cashing in on the death of his "best friend." That was awesome.

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Growth Cap Coalition Formed in Polk County

A Growth Cap Coalition, endorsed by the Sierra Club and Lake Region Audubon Society, has formed in Polk County, Florida. Their website has recently launced, which includes a printable petition to get a growth cap amendment added to the upcoming ballot.

It will be interesting to see what happens with this, whether or not residents of Polk County have a vision for their region, or if developers will be determining these issues. Being one of the fastest growing counties in the state, much of the population is new to the area, and may not have much investment in "rural character" and may not be aware of local environmental issues.

In reference to transit, the Coalition's proposed charter ammendment "will ensure a trend to higher density urban areas which will make mass transportation more feasible."

On April 1st, the Winter Haven Planning Commission is having their regular metting.

Stay tuned to Eggs n Bloggin for the Official Solution to Overdevelopment.

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Yahoo!'s Top 10 Movie Cars

Yahoo!, always on the cutting edge of misinformed news and horrible articles, has recently released a list for a Hollywood Auto Show. Check the article for pictures -- here's the list reproduced for easier viewing.

• DeLorean DMC-12 from 'Back to the Future'


• 1970 Dodge Challenger R/T from 'Grindhouse (Death Proof)' and 'Vanishing Point'


• Wayne Industries Tumbler from 'Batman Begins'


• 1968 390 GT V8 Ford Mustang from 'Bullitt'


• 2009 Chevrolet Camaro from 'Transformers'


• 1963 Aston Martin DB5 from numerous James Bond films


• 2002 MINI Cooper S from 'The Italian Job'


• 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California from 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'


• 2002 Nissan 350Z Fairlady from 'The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift'


• 1963 Model 117 Volkswagon Type 1 'Beetle' Deluxe from 'Herbie: Fully Loaded'

Transformers? The Italian Job? Fast and the Furious? There's obviously some glaring omissions from Yahoo!'s vulgar list.


How about in Harold and Maude, when Harold turns his Porsche into a hearse? Possibly one of the most creative, and amusing vehicles. Especially since we see it drive off a cliff at the end of the movie.



Also, how could they forget the Ectomobile, the inspired hearse/ambulance from Ghostbusters? Easily one of the best vehicles of our time.



What about the Pussy Wagon from Kill Bill: Volume 1? Definitely one of the most ridiculous cars in movie history. (Sorry, hard to find good pictures of it on the net.)



The final noteworthy void in the 'top movie cars' list is the popular Mystery Machine from the Scooby Doo movies (and TV series, naturally). This is one of my personal favorites...



And that's it for my substitutions to their list. Though I think one thing we can definitely all agree on is the DeLorean is the best -- end of story.

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In Theaters March 28

Finally, it looks like a decent week for some movie action. Recently I went and saw 'Horton Hears a Who.' Decently entertaining, except the whole time I could only think of the Mayor, voiced by Steve Carell, as Michael Scott from the Office. But that made it funnier.

21 || IMDb

Everything about this movie looks good. Capable director, fun plot premise (who doesn't like gambling/casino movies?), Kevin Spacey, and Kate Bosworth back at a healthy weight. The trailer looks good, but for some reason I just feel like it's going to flop. There's just something missing, and I can't place my finger on it. On Rottentomatoes it has a 38% off of 37 reviews, and that's not too hot. Either way, I shall see it and report back.

Rating: Theater

Run, Fat Boy, Run || IMDb

'Hot Fuzz' was one of my favorite movies last year. Unfortunately it looks like Simon Pegg is starting to go downhill. Maybe he just needs a paycheck. I mean, sometimes that's gotta be the case. Seriously though, this movie looks like it may have some moments, but overall, just keep in mind it's directed by Ross from Friends.

Rating: Rental

Stop-Loss || IMDb

Let's do a pro/con list.

Pros: Scott Rudin, producer.

Cons: Woman director (sorry, but the only one to come to mind with more than one movie worth watching is Sofia Coppola*), an MTV production, America is tired of war movies (see: all of last year), Ryan Phillippe is the only noteworthy cast member, and even he isn't that big of a sell.

Some people are enthusiastic and calling it a must-see. I don't see it.

Rating: Download

Superhero Movie || IMDb

If you're really considering this, you need more help than I can provide.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

Jon's Pick of the Week: 21

DVD Release of the Week: Bonnie and Clyde special edition! If you haven't seen this amazing classic, you should get on it. Seriously. One of the best movies ever made.

* Yes, there have been quite a few movies directed by women. Some of my favorites, to be honest. But those that have directed more than one that was received well? That's my point.

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Top Chef -- Block Party

The third episode of this season's Top Chef is easily the best yet. I mean, how often do you see a contestant threaten that if he goes home, security will have to drag him out?

The Quickfire Challenge was pretty boring. Fine dining tacos? I agree with the contestants in that the challenge was a bit odd. But then again, this is reality TV, so why not? Richard's dish looked like crap, and like all Top Chef episodes, I wish I could taste the food as well. And, am I the only one that thinks Richard looks like a white Forest Whitaker?



Tell me I'm not crazy?

With that said, the Block Party challenge was entertaining, though I still have gripes about elimination challenges being determined by factors with such variance (items they find in peoples' houses).

The single best line of the season came from Zoi, when talking about how she got stuck with pasta salad. "Pasta salad isn't a top dish. I'm not going to win Top Chef by making fucking pasta salad." It's actually funnier with a bleep.

The judge's table was great. I love when the judges put contestants who think they know it all into their place. "Everyone tried the salad and it was good? Well then you all have poor pallets." Owned, so hard. I like Tom more and more each episode.

Erik going home for has awful corn dogs was a solid choice. I mean, who even makes corn dogs anyway? Also, Erik's been in the low two out of three times (counting this episode), so this is good.

Stephanie winning may confirm my earlier theory that whoever wins the first challenge will win the whole show. Again, we'll see.

This episode confirms that I'm going to marry Padma. I mean, look how gracefully she dropped her s'more.

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Another Edition of Thats The News? Really?

24 Hours Later CNN still brings the goods, at some point I may switch news providers, but for now its so simple from where I'm sitting.

(these links are all currently displayed on www.cnn.com front page as of 6:05 Tuesday, March 25th)

1. Man Shooting Hole Through Wall Kills Wife
Deepwater Man Fatally Shoots Wife While Installing Satellite TV

This person was drilling a hole in their wall to install a satellite dish, and he just couldnt get through. So he used a handgun. The only problem being that his wife was on the other side of the wall and he killed her. Now on first glance this seems like a Darwin Awards nominee. But I think he tried to kill her, honestly, what are the chances that she would be outside of the wall. Unless he said honey, will you see if this drills straight through. Actually now im torn, he is either crazy like a fox, or a sad dummy.

2. Stubborn Homeowners Live By Oozing Volcano
The best part of this is the picture. They honestly live in the middle of a lava floe in hawaii.
In recent weeks the lava has gotten worse, their house may be incinerated, awesome. I feel like this is a movie too, cept the something much worse emerges from the volcano, something no one expected...something that will kill these people in the first 12 minutes of the movie as they galavant around their lava decks in their lava homes.

3. Miss Bimbo site allows young players to compete to become the hottest bimbo in the world (online)
You would not believe how much energy it took to prevent me from becoming the biggest bimbo in the interwebs. And this quote kills me...(paraphrased)
"people have ignored the positive aspects of the game...what about the sudoku challenges, what about loving your bimbo, sending your bimbo to college."
-The Game Creator
Equally bizarre is the CNN anchors, who arent supposed to have an opinion, ANCHORS not commentators, going nuts over it, calling it ridiculous and not right.
If you find a bimbo on there called Dani, its probably not me, but if its really tall and has beautiful brown hair...maybe.......

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Seminole Word of the Week

We've got DVD Releases of the Week, Links of the Week, and now, I present to our reading public the exciting new edition of Seminole Word of the Week

Pahokee – grassy waters

Pahokee is a town on the eastern shore of Lake Okeechobee in Palm Beach County, Florida. Sugar cane and corn are the most popular crops grown in this agricultural community. The older town buildings as well as sprawling apartment complexes are surrounded by lush green crop-fields that spread out towards the horizon.

I drove through the place yesterday in wet and misty weather. Police sirens reflected in puddles of water and through my windshield as a woman in a shower cap stepped into the road to alert me to the presence of police officers ahead. I wasn’t doing anything illegal but was grateful to her for the gesture.

There is a stunning photo essay about the place. Check it out on Flickr


As of the 2000 census, Native Americans made up 0.10 per cent of the population.

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Its The News! according to cnn

Just picked headlines off the main page at cnn.com, which once again proves the news is ridiculous and probably mostly make believe.

1. Sarah Jessica Parker named Maxim's Unsexiest Woman
cnn.com link
I'm sure this is based on the amount of your money your girlfriend or wife spends after watching sex and the city. Nothing is less sexy than 750 dollars of Manolo Blahnik pumps, not when that 750 bones could have gone towards two xbox 360s and 10 pizzas from Little Ceazies...(and that's only approximate math).

2. "Barbie Bandits" Sentenced
cnn.com link
Two young women, exotic dancers in fact, robbed an Atlanta area bank, and they were in cahoots with a clerk there. They planned to split the money between them, I can only imagine what the clerk was gettin (am i right!). And if you don't think that Jeremy and I are already working on the script for the lifetime movie, than you absolutely have no idea what kind of people we are. The sequel, where they are in a federal prison is for SHOWTIME (hello, KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN!). But seriously, if anyone needs writers for the big screen version of this Jeremy and I can do it, and actually we are very tasteful. And Jeremy does great British accents for characters.

3. Pilots Gun goes off on flight from Denver.
cnn.com link
A pilot accidently discharged his handgun on a US Airways flight, which shot through the side of the plane. I admit that is pretty scary, not just the gun going off but that we are arming pilots...the same guys that like three times a year get busted for flying drunk. And also the same guys that lock the door to the flight deck. So they are supposed to have a loaded gun inside the flight deck, and if the rest of the plane has hostages then they open the flight deck, and shoot a gun in the plane, then the terrorists take over the plane? You might as well give my mom a gun. I'm gonna start taking John Madden's bus.

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Southland Tales -- 'A' for Effort

A new movie has just come to DVD -- one you may or may not have heard of. It's Southland Tales (IMDb link here). It's written and directed by Richard Kelly, better known as the writer/director of Donnie Darko. The movie stars The Rock, Sarah Michele Gellar, Seann William Scott, Justin Timberlake, Mandy Moore, and about 20 other recognizable celebrities.

The movie looks good on paper, doesn't it?

Reception has not been so good. According to IMDb, "Scored the lowest reviews for the 2006 Cannes Film Festival, averaging 1.1 out of 5 in all the dailies." It has only a 34% on Rottentomatoes, and only made about $356,000 worldwide (off of a $17,000,000 budget). You'd have a tough time finding a critic who can argue for the movie's worthiness of its 144 minute runtime.

I'm not going to argue that the movie is by any means great, or that it's even up to par with Donnie Darko. What I'm saying is that the movie is worth watching, regardless of the fact it (probably) doesn't make sense in the end.

I have always been of the philosophy that special effects are no substitute for solid writing and good direction. I still stand by that, but let me just say that Southland Tales is a visual treat, even though some of Kelly's choices for shots leave a bit to be desired. CGI, A+

There are two fundamental problems with Southland Tales, both in the writing department. First, a majority of the characters talk in stock patterns, phrases uttered that no one who has had a real conversation would use. But, the writing is consistent, and perhaps people in this future will speak like this. It didn't bug me much, but a problem, it still is.

The second, and larger of the two problems, is that there are so many subplots that keeping them straight is a webbed nightmare, and even when they all meet at the end, it still doesn't make any damn sense. What we can make sense of still doesn't seem worthwhile. So much build-up and almost no payoff. I cannot imagine a greater flaw in a movie.

We have an actor, married into a senator family, who leads a global monitoring of the internet, as well as endorses a drug that really isn't explained very well, while the actor has amnesia and is living with a porn star who is trying to start her own business, while she and the actor have somehow written a script that predicts the future, and the actor is researching it with a cop, also with amnesia -- who has a twin brother -- and plans to stage a fake murder for an organization that plans to take down the global monitoring corporation, but... are you still reading?

Those are most of the main plot points. There are lots of threads that tie everything together, and a lot of it makes sense, but Richard Kelly tries to do too much in too little time. All of this would take a whole season of a television show to unfold correctly. Instead we get it in one movie sitting. (sidenote: that's why there are graphic novels and whatnot released as well. Go, marketing, but that's not the point.)

I liked the movie, despite its flaws. But in the end, if you're thinking about renting this, do yourself a favor and rent either Mulholland Dr., or Donnie Darko. The former is, well, one of the best movie ever about similar subject matter (again -- kind of), the latter similar in the element of time warps. But, if you've seen both of those movies, go ahead and give Southland Tales a shot. If you regret it, I won't pay for your rental.

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Nature is Ridiculous

I rarely, if ever, check news to make sure it is accurate (aka posted on more than one source), but regardless, I have just read the most ridiculous article posted ever in the history of the internet. Check it out. If you're too lazy, here are some highlights:

"A 75-pound stingray killed a Michigan woman Thursday when it flew out of the water and struck her face as she rode a boat in the Florida Keys, officials said."

That's the opening. Three things of note in that sentence:

• A 75-pound stingray


• '...flew out of the water...'


• A woman driver (zing!)

How can this not be the most entertaining and informative article on stingrays you've ever read? (We will not count Steve Irwin because it's still too soon for jokes.)

What I gather from this article is a stingray with a 5-6 foot wingspan jumped out of the water and it ran into the woman, killing her on impact. The article continues:

"The impact likely killed the woman, and she did not appear to have puncture wounds from the ray's barb, Pino said. An autopsy is planned, Pino said."

Now, the boat was going 25 MPH. I'm no zoologist, but I've been to Sea World and petted stingrays, and they're kind of rubbery. If it's tail -- you know, it's weapon -- wasn't the cause of death, I can't imagine this was much worse than when I played kickball in elementary school. Then again, the ball wasn't six feet wide. Maybe it'd be more like being hit by a tractor tire......

"Spotted eagle rays can weigh 500 pounds and have a wingspan of up to 10 feet. They are known to occasionally jump out of the water but are not aggressive and use the venomous barb at the end of their tail for defense."

Holy crap. 500 pounds? That is literally two Hulk Hogans. Forget Jaws, I'd rather meet him than one of these monsters any day.

"'Rays jump to escape a predator, give birth and shake off parasites," said Lynn Gear, supervisor of fishes and reptiles at Theater of the Sea in Islamorada. "They do not attack people.'"

Possibly the most fascinating part of the article. Rays jump out of water to give birth? Maybe I've been living under a rock, but this amazes me. They must have amazing timing. Imagine if humans had to do that. Women giving birth in inflatable swimming pools. 'Okay, your water broke. We have about 23 minutes. Wait for it... Wait for it... Jump! No! Too early! Jump! Keep jumping!'

Not related to the article, but on the topic of stingrays, Wikipedia says this (therefore it must be accurate): "Mating season occurs in the winter. When a male is courting a female, he will follow her closely, biting at her pectoral disc. During mating, the male will go on top of the female (his belly on her back) and put one of his two claspers into her vent."

I'm going to try to work that into everyday conversation because, as a writer, I'm all for euphemisms. You should do it too. Next time you have to talk dirty, try, "I'm going to shove my clasper into your vent." See how she reacts, and definitely get back to me.

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In Theaters March 21

It looks to be another lackluster weekend, with some pretty bad movies opening. Is there anything really worth seeing this weekend? Can new box office lows be set? Will 'Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns' get a single positive review? More fun to follow, for in theaters March 21st.

Drillbit Taylor || IMDb

I'm not going to lie -- I really like Owen Wilson. I may even go so far as to say I'm a 'fan.' Of course, I'm referring to 'Wedding Crashers,' 'Starsky & Hutch,' and 'The Life Aquatic,' among others. This movie surely looks to fit into the category of failures for the talented brother. There's sure to be a few moments of comedy, but not near enough to make me leave home.

Rating: Download

Shutter || IMDb

I like really bad horror movies, but the have to be really, really bad. This movie has 'mediocre' written all over it. The only reason I may see it is because Rachel Taylor is a very gifted actress.... or, because she's hot. Either way, not going to be worth it.

Rating: Download

Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns || IMDb
If you had to bet whether this movie was about Tyler Perry interviewing some of the Cleveland Browns football players, or a movie that exploits stereotypes and piles on the cliches, which would you go with? Yeah, me too. I wish it was the other one.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

The Hammer || IMDb

This probably won't be a lot of places, but I'm reaching for watchable movies in theaters. This comedy looks moderately witty, and if anything, way funnier than the other two movies listed before combined. I'm skeptical about Adam Carolla in a non-Man Show role, but this looks okay. Check out the trailer here.

Rating: Theater

Jon's Pick of the Week: The Hammer

DVD Release of the Week: Atonement, for sure. Highly recommended. Also, Enchanted was really good. So get both.

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Top Chef - Zoo Food

Episode 2 of the new Top Chef season rolled around tonight. I think for the first bit I'll comment more on the show, and then progress to contestants as they become more familiar.

(Also, I definitely plan to make use of the 'Continue reading' feature regularly, so be sure to check that shiznit out.)

Interesting quickfire challenge, with Marc (I think that's his name) forgetting an ingredient, and then winning. But is it right for the guest judge to give him more credit because he messed up and recovered? Maybe other people messed up as well but did not feel the need to bring it up. But, Marc's dish may have been the best either way. We don't know, I guess.

But that didn't matter because he placed in one of the top groups.

Interesting concept, making dishes based only on what the animal would eat -- but ultimately I still felt a lack of scope in this week's challenge. I understand how hard it is to use only limited ingredients (well, in theory), but it's still nice to see people given almost no limitations on their dishes other than perhaps a common theme. It seems more real-world. But then again, this is only 'reality TV.'

My thoughts on Valerie going home? Who really cares at this point. She was what I shall coin as a 'blend-in.'

P.S. I'm still going to marry Padma (and buy her a new wardrobe, what was with that blue monstrosity tonight?).

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A Review Of Recent News

an opportunity for me to make sarcastic cracks based on today's news headlines.

1.  Freak Accident Kills ABBA Drummer

Mamma Mia!  My my, who would have thought that the garden would be his Waterloo.  He's no dancing queen.   I guess he didnt see THE SIGN.  Nope, thats Ace Of Base, they played the same music as ABBA, just 20 years past the point when that type of scandinavian ridiculo-pop music was popular or even slightly relevant.  

2. Naked Man Runs Amok In Grocery Store

I don't really feel like this needs any commentary, but I don't think that'll stop me.  Produce anyone.  I really wish I could have come up with something better than that.  

3.  Puff Daddy's associate's linked with first Tupac Shooting

This isn't the shooting that killed Tupac, this is killing that made 2pac into 1pac, if you get my meaning.  (my meaning is allegedly, he lost a testicle in that shooting, thats my meaning.)  So, how do you feel about Biggie and Puffy if they ordered a hit on Tupac and really started the East Coast/West Coast rivalry, whats that...you still think puff daddy is a gigantic toolbox, yeah me too. 

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Integrity vs. Quantity?

Why is Netflix better than Blockbuster?

First, I suggest you read (or, glance over) this article by Jim Emerson, where he explains much more eloquently than I could what Blockbuster does to their DVD releases.

Basically, Blockbuster refuses to rent out DVDs that are NC-17 rated (I know this first-hand because I wanted to rent the 1997 'Crash' a while back). But the worst part is not that, but that they have some films cut and edited down to an R rating, but do not tell their customers they did so -- resulting in sometimes a very different movie. This is for in-store as well as online -- rentals.

Netflix does not do this, never will do this, and honestly has a much, much wider selection anyway. Plus, Netflix gives their viewers a "Watch Now" option (streamed instantly to your computer), which I don't think Blockbuster has (correct me if I'm wrong).

So why is Netflix not the clear winner here?

There is a loop-hole with the Blockbuster system that two of my friends have confirmed works. If I recall correctly, it works something like this:

Say you have a 2-at-a-time unlimited policy with Blockbuster. That means you mail one back, they receive it, and mail you another movie; however, you can also return the movie to a store yourself, physically, and get a new rental for free. The trick is, once you return the movie in person, you get the rental instantly as well as the next movie in your online queue mailed the next day. So if you had two movies, you could watch them both, go to the store, return them and get two new ones, and have two more at your house over one mail day -- the result being four movies at a time (for your 2-at-a-time plan). Pretty sweet, right?

The thing is that this only benefits people like me, who watch at least one movie a day, almost every day -- but even then it's still tough to burn through four movies fast enough to justify this. I had 3-at-a-time Netflix and barely ever had none at home. Now I'm on 2 and it's perfect.

But, what kind of movie kid would I be if I watched edited, cleansed versions of movies? Cuts that aren't a 'Director's Cut,' but a hack 'Blockbuster Cut?' I'm sorry, but no. I value artistic integrity in film, regardless of how good or bad the movie may be.

And just a bit of information: I worked it out last night and I've had Netflix for just under two years. For the price I pay, it's worked out to $2.50 a movie. Not bad at all, especially since I probably couldn't have found half of those in regular video stores (Blockbuster, or otherwise). I think it's $5 to rent a movie in-store at Blockbuster.

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In Theaters March 14

At least there's some promise in the new releases for March 14th. Also, though DVDs are released on Tuesdays, I'm going to include a little bit at the bottom for those, too.

Doomsday || IMDb

Clearly a joke on the American public. I will be surprised if it surpasses 15% on RottenTomatoes. If this is your thing, just go see any of the other thousands of movies with this premise.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who || IMDb

Finally, some promise. Even when a Dr. Seuss adaptation goes bad, it's still usually watchable (Grinch -- the Jim Carrey one). The preview looks promising and there's it's certified 'fresh' on RottenTomatoes, so it's worth checking out.

Rating: Dollar Theater

Never Back Down || IMDb

This movie looks really, really bad. The only thing going for it is Jeff Wadlow also directed 'Cry_Wolf,' and though that movie was pretty bad, it's a guilty pleasure of mine. So yeah, nothing to see here, kids.

Rating: Download

Jon's Pick of the Week: Horton Hears a Who

DVD Release of the Week: --just kidding, nothing good comes out this week. Check out 'No Country for Old Men' if you haven't seen it.

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Links of the week

I've been gone but I'm back.
yo yo yo.........

www.overheardinnewyork.com - hilarious (often inappropriate) conversations overheard in New York City, so 2 years ago.

wwww.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com - An outsiders view on the culture of white people. Insightful.

http://www.touristpictures.com/foodfight/index.htm - All the post WW2 wars...as represented by the food of the involved nations.

www.straightcashhomey.net - Unfortunate jersey sightings...awesome.

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Top Chef -- A New Season

Now that Project Runway has finished its season, time to switch to something new on Bravo. Time for Top Chef: Chicago!

The trick with shows like this is that for the first few episodes so many people are thrown your way, it's hard to remember who's who, who has talent, or even care about people because they haven't shown real personality.

The quickfire challenge was interesting, mainly because no one knew how to make deep dish pizza. However, at this point, who cares?

The elimination challenge was much better. I like when people have to compete 1-vs-1. Hate when people have to do teams. I have this theory -- with little basis -- that the winner of the first challenge makes it to the finals. It was true for Project Runway (with Rami), so we'll see if it pans out here. With that said, the winner of the first challenge was Stephanie.

Going home: Nimma. Who else saw that one coming? She was being a B, as well as antisocial.

Should be an interesting season.

In related news, I'm going to marry Padma.

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More Rail Talk

The blog National Railroad News made a positive mention of increased rails coming to Central Florida. Let's hope so.

Check out this blog for "more railroad news than you can shake a stick at."

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What to do About All That Traffic

An article in the Lakeland Ledger yesterday stated that Polk County commissioners have voted to put the CSX terminal and commuter rail placed on hold until it can be further studied.

Of course, it is important to know as much as possible about a project before starting. But improving transit is not something that should be forced to wait in Central Florida. Especially if this further investigation the commissioners are requesting is superfluous.

This blog has previously discussed the transformation of Haines City and the I-4 Corridor into a bedroom suburb of Orange and Osceola. If that is indeed the region's future (and present reality) then rapid transit ought to be of the highest concern for city planners and tri-county area leaders.

In a second article on Thursday, the Ledger reported that Lake Alfred officials are "ecstatic" about a road construction project that will widen 17-92 as it passes through the city. This project is being pushed through quickly following an incident of congestion that occurred when I-4 was closed.

The idea that building more roads will alleviate traffic is a fallacy. To lessen the traffic burden on I-4, Orange, Osceola, and Polk counties need to build rapid public transit, like the proposed commuter rail.

In Miami-Dade County, there is a need for more Metro-Rail lines, but there is a sentiment that it is almost too late. Because development is so dense, it would take massive restructuring of neighborhoods, large amounts of land acquisition, and lots of money.

If Central Florida wants to avoid a similar situation the counties involved need to act quicker than they have been. In the case of Orlando, existing sprawl may already make this an extremely difficult task. This request for further investigation needs to move quickly.

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Project Runway Season 4

Last night the season finale of Project Runway came around. I know that Tim Gunn, as well as the judges, have been saying how talented the designers were this season. I agreed, but there were still some bad apples. For the finale it was definitely three of the best designers -- Rami, Christian, and Jillian.

What was interesting about the finale is Christian's lack of confidence. He has normally been the cocky kid that gets on everyone's nerves, and it was nice to see that he is human and can be emotional. Also, it was amusing watching him and Posh Spice exchange compliments.

I'm probably one of the few people sad that Christian won. This makes the second season for me where my favorite got second (the other was when Daniel V lost to Chloe in Season Two). I mean, Christian's clothes were well made, but give me some non-black garments.

Who am I to debate the judges, but I think Rami should've won. There was much more versatility and variety in his designs, yet as Nina Garcia said, you could look at all of them and tell they were Rami's designs. In my opinion Christian won because, A) Victoria Beckham loved his stuff, and B) he is younger and it seems like Project Runway wants to give the fresh face a chance. Rami is already kind of established, so yeah...

Either way though, the real discernible conclusion is that Heidi Klum is a really big dork. Between the reunion episode where edits weren't as abundant, and here when she said Christian was "uber fierce," she has solidified herself as goofy in my book. And I like her more because of it.

Here's to next season.

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In Theaters March 7

It's a trend that the movie year goes in a cycle. There's usually a beginning of the year slump, a slew of summer blockbusters, and then 3 months of artsy, awards-bound films. Very rarely do movies win Oscars that came out in the first half of the year. And here we are, the beginning of March.

But that does not mean quality entertainment is impossible -- you'll just have to look a little harder to find it. Each Thursday I'll post a column describing new releases, along with a mostly unbiased description, weighing cast & crew, critical reception, how promising the trailer is, and a bit of personal intuition. It will cover all WIDE releases, and a few LIMITED releases.

The rating system will be: Midnight Showing, Opening Weekend, Dollar Theater, Rental, Download, Not If They Paid You.

Without further ado:

In Theaters March 7, 2008

10,000 B.C. || IMDb

Writer/Director Roland Emmerich seems to be a master of the mediocre disaster. His credits include 'The Day After Tomorrow,' 'The Patriot,' and 'Independence Day.' I doubt it will be much better or worse than any of those movies -- a solid action flick with lots to be desired from a critical standpoint. If you like mindless action, this will be your thing, but for me...

Rating: Download

The Bank Job || IMDb

Jason Statham is close to the top of the one-character-actors list. At least Vin Diesel played a nanny. Despite his lack of range, this could be the right role for him. Bound to be predictable, yet I'm sure it will be entertaining.

Rating: Dollar Theater

College Road Trip || IMDb

Ohhhhhhhhh, man. The only reason I would see this is to count how many stereotypes can be shamelessly thrown around. And that is not enough to get me out of the house. How could the director of 'Just Friends' go wrong, you ask? I just don't know, sometimes you have it and sometimes you don't.

Rating: Not If They Paid You

Jon's Pick of the Week: Rent 'Into the Wild' on DVD. Or, if you must, 'The Bank Job.'

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The Other Boleyn Girl

Tonight, despite my better judgment, I was at a showing of 'The Other Boleyn Girl.' Writer Peter Morgan had a fantastic year in 2006 ('The Queen' and 'The Last King of Scotland'), so I figured he may be able to overcome the handicap of a lukewarm cast -- including Eric Bana, Natalie Portman, and Scarlett Johansson.

Now, I've taken enough British literature and history classes that I should know the monarchy from top to bottom in my sleep, but alas, it sieves through my memory like the thinest of sand. However, in this case the subject matter is more familiar than most. The story centers around King Henry -- the one who had a reputation for decapitating his wives when they could not give him a male heir. It is no spoiler that in one of the final scenes Anne Boleyn (Natalie Portman) has her head cut off center stage.

This is not a movie review... not completely. What I will say is that the problem with the movie was this: Despite a good cast, as much as I wanted to get into the movie, it constantly felt like a drag through history class instead of a movie experience. It was almost like watching a documentary. And I'm fine with documentaries... when I want to watch a documentary. I understand Peter Morgan's obligation to stick to the ropes of history, but if you're going to change a few details, why not go all-out to make the story better? Go big or go home, I say.

The most interesting part of the movie, by far, was watching Anne Boleyn slither her way into the bed of the king, manipulating everyone around her. Unfortunately that was not enough to carry the movie.

What I really think is interesting... well, here's a quick rundown according to the movie (so don't yell at me if I'm wrong).

Henry was married to his Queen, who could produce no male heir.
He impregnated Mary (Scarlet Johansson) for a male heir, but Anne seduced him and convinced him to make Mary's child a bastard ("Never speak to her again").
Mary denied him and denied him, until Henry went mad -- divorcing his Queen, separating from the Catholic church in Rome, and marrying Anne. He realized his mistake fairly soon, but hoped for a masculine child. Their first child was female (the future Queen Elizabeth, I think).
He gave her a second chance. This time she miscarried. Shortly thereafter he had Anne beheaded.

Here's the twist -- you figure it's a 50/50 chance of a child's gender (right?), so what if Anne's first child had been a boy? Would their marriage have lasted? Would he have dealt with their unhappiness for the sake of the future king? How would he have ruled differently than Elizabeth? Surely it would've been a very different angle. Would they have had more kids (boys, girls, doesn't matter)?

Is it bad that I care more about what could have happened historically if a potential coin toss turned up differently? Maybe, maybe not. But if you're considering seeing this movie, I'd wait for DVD. Watch a much better movie about the monarchy, like, I don't know, 'The Queen.'

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Education Breakdown - Miami Edison Senior High School

What happened at Miami Edison Senior High School this past Friday has got me thinking about the futility of our education system.

A friend of mine and I were recently talking. I suggested that teaching, and education in general, was the most important job in the country.

“Teaching is a noble profession,” he said, “fine. But it’s definitely not the most important.”

“But what about the impact you can make in a child's life?” I said.

“Sure, you might really help a few kids, but probably just one a year. Maybe teaching could or should be the most important job," he said, "but it's not."

Now, this is where Edison comes to mind. As one girl in one of the many Youtube videos pointed out, we really do run our schools like prisons. Dropout rates are incredible, and testing scores prove that in poor neighborhoods, many kids are learning close to nothing.

So what difference is our attempt at education really making? What change from previous socio-economic conditions are the majority of the kids at this high school going to see? And what will be their impression of the institution of education—that police will interfere any time a group tries to demonstrate against the powers that be?

The violence that took place at Miami Edison this past Friday should be a giant red flag to this city, and anyone else who is paying attention to problems in their own area. Regardless of who was to blame—the vice principal, the students who threw debris at police officers, or the police officers themselves for their conduct towards minors—the conclusion we should draw is that one of the United State’s largest cities has a population of young people who are angry, discontent, and eager to voice these feelings.

And also, that this country will still send police to shut down demonstrations and use violence, even when it is children demonstrating, and especially when they are black children.

It doesn't seem like just a few children are falling through the cracks. The education system that I know in Florida is built upon a giant, gaping hole in the ground, where life's other problems seem to be dragging it down quickly.

Can our education system really support these kids, and give them a chance for social mobility, for a better future?

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Mick Jagger Vs. Hells Angels or Undercover Of The Night or What Happened to Sticktoitiveness?

I recently read this article about a failed assassination attempt on Mick Jagger in 1969, perpetrated by the world famous, tougher 'n hell motorcycle gang, The Hells Angels.
The article gives little insight into the botched murder. In it's tantalizing brevity, it does raise some important questions (and or statements...statements I would like to make, regarding The Hells Angels and/or Mick Jagger).

1. The Hells Angels are not very persistant.
According to the article, after the boat of assassins was scuttled and all of it's murderous crew were thrown overboard, the Angels just gave up. They didn't get back in the boat that night and keep heading towards Jagger's house in the Hamptons. They didn't head back to some grungy bar and plot something heinous for a future date, they just forgot about it. No harm no foul. They apparently letting sleeping dogs lie, ended the feud and went back to running Columbian Coke and knifing hippies.

How do you become a world famous, crazy as hell, tough as nails, insane gang known for being all-round super bad ass when you let a little bit of rough seas ruin your carefully hatched murder plot. I'm not saying that I wish they had killed Mick (although we could all live without another Rolling Stones wrinkly and old World Tour) I just kind of expected more from the Angels, that's all.

2. The Hells Angels don't plan very well.
Did no one check the weather before they got into the boat to head for Mick's mansion in the Hamptons? How bad was the weather that it actually sent everyone overboard. Did they go out in The Perfect Storm or something? I know they didn't have The Weather Channel or www.weather.com but c'mon. No one looked outside and was like...geez, the weather looks awful, let's wait a day. Or maybe...lets take a car.

Seriously, couldn't they have driven to Mick's house. I wonder if they even knew that Long Island was accessible by car (or motorcycle). Did they plan to boat on over to Long Island Marina then travel the remaining distance to Mick's home by foot?
I guess it's possible that none of them even owned cars, just extremely loud motorcycles. And I guess, unlike modern celebrities who are required to have 2 custom choppers a piece, screaming belching hogs might have raised some eyebrows with the West Egg Elites in the late 60s.

3. What Was The Boat Like?
In my mind the boat was a nautical version of a chopper. Way too loud. Ridiculous paint job. Ineffective design and impossible to use controls. All of which would explain the flipping, or submerging or whatever happened that made them call it a night. It probably had some ridiculous outboard motor with way too much horsepower, flames down the sides of it. I don't know how the controls could have come anywhere near being as impossible as those ape hanger handlebars, but something along those lines seems appropriate. They were going too fast up the face of a wave and, whoopsie, non-swimming crazy biker assassins in the drink.

I also imagine alot of wet vests and soggy handlebar moustaches, and them all moping back to have a beer, kill a hooker and give up on ever committing an act that would have approached the later assassination of John Lennon in publicity. We should all be grateful, right? I just keep wondering where the heck were the Hells Angels that I'd heard so much about.
This group of celebrity assassins were pathetic.

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