Its The News! according to cnn

Just picked headlines off the main page at cnn.com, which once again proves the news is ridiculous and probably mostly make believe.

1. Sarah Jessica Parker named Maxim's Unsexiest Woman
cnn.com link
I'm sure this is based on the amount of your money your girlfriend or wife spends after watching sex and the city. Nothing is less sexy than 750 dollars of Manolo Blahnik pumps, not when that 750 bones could have gone towards two xbox 360s and 10 pizzas from Little Ceazies...(and that's only approximate math).

2. "Barbie Bandits" Sentenced
cnn.com link
Two young women, exotic dancers in fact, robbed an Atlanta area bank, and they were in cahoots with a clerk there. They planned to split the money between them, I can only imagine what the clerk was gettin (am i right!). And if you don't think that Jeremy and I are already working on the script for the lifetime movie, than you absolutely have no idea what kind of people we are. The sequel, where they are in a federal prison is for SHOWTIME (hello, KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN!). But seriously, if anyone needs writers for the big screen version of this Jeremy and I can do it, and actually we are very tasteful. And Jeremy does great British accents for characters.

3. Pilots Gun goes off on flight from Denver.
cnn.com link
A pilot accidently discharged his handgun on a US Airways flight, which shot through the side of the plane. I admit that is pretty scary, not just the gun going off but that we are arming pilots...the same guys that like three times a year get busted for flying drunk. And also the same guys that lock the door to the flight deck. So they are supposed to have a loaded gun inside the flight deck, and if the rest of the plane has hostages then they open the flight deck, and shoot a gun in the plane, then the terrorists take over the plane? You might as well give my mom a gun. I'm gonna start taking John Madden's bus.