Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Big Brother -- a Week in Recap

What a great week for Reality TV. And by ‘Reality TV’ I mean Big Brother 9. This week Chelsia&James were HOH and put Alex&Amanda up for nominations, along with Matt&Natalie. Good nominations because Amanda is an obnoxious *female dog*. It’s also mildly amusing because of ‘Operation Condor,’ the premise of which is that Alex&Amanda’s pictures are on the top of the wall, and like a condor would swoop down and take its prey, they will swoop and knock out the top row. That’s creative, I guess, but not witty at all. Either way it worked, and Alex&Amanda went home with a 3-0 vote.

This week I started to like Chelsia&James a lot more, despite him having a pink Mohawk and her hair not being equal length on both sides. I think they’re my ‘favorite’ couple.

Also, this week there were two near-death scenarios (okay, maybe not). I love me some hypochondriacs.

The definite best part of this week was tonight after Sharon&Josh won new HOH. Julie Chen (easily the worst host in the history of any show) asked them what they would want to bring into the house, and after some standard stuff, Josh said, “Asking for too much would be you in my bed, Julie.” Obviously even better since, A) Josh is gay, and B) the studio and/or Julie were so offended that she kept going full speed, not acknowledging it and hoping no one would notice, and C) it was really funny.

Predicted nominees for next week: Allison&Ryan (this one seems fairly obvious), and a shot in the dark, Adam&Sheila. We will see.

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Likes/Dislikes

Links Of The Week....


Im introducing my links of the week. It will be a semi-regular feature, hopefully more regular than semi.

this week, I will feature sites i thought were really awesome back when i first discovered the internet, sometime around 1997-1998.

i remember first going to this website in 8th grade...back when the internet was made out of popsicle sticks and Al Gore's ectoplasm. On this site you put in your details and it spits out the exact day you are going to die.
And you can plan the rest of your life, knowing that crucial piece of information. Because it tells you exactly when YOU WILL DIE. It's foolproof. Say goodbye to me in May of 2059...after a GREAT life. Don't live everyday like its your last...it's tacky, it doesn't suit you. Its just a tiny bit over the top, and it's a lame excuse for alcoholism.

I spent many an hour at school on this site,playing some sort of mini-golf that had snow in it or something. Also some time was spent doing some sort of bowling with penguins or something. Candystand is a site of games, suited for people around the age of 12 or so.

The nice thing about Candystand is that no matter what games you play (and there are lots of them on there, even today) they somehow sneak product placement into it. Sneak is maybe a misnomer, it's blatent. The whole site is a thinly veiled candy advertisement.
So while you may be, at a surface level, playing some road racing game, the good news is that you will be racing on a road of jolly ranchers in a truck made out of creamsicles.

And the best news?...this site is still awesome.

i know you probably don't want to follow this link, because it takes you back 10 years to internet hell. Remember when instead of actually having the real internet, you had the fake miniature internet and didn't know the width and breadth that laid beyond those barred doors. At age 12, I actually thought AOL was the internet. Thats like thinking that hot dogs are the only meat on earth. Hot Dogs! Hot Dog is the leftovers of the rest pig.
AOL is the internet's offal.

Yeah, It had it's positive bits. Instant messenger changed my life. Never again would i have to awkwardly call a girl. Instead, I could make awkward conversations on the internet. It turned a whole generation of boys into internet casanovas. We would regret this about 3 years later when it became prudent to take the relationships out of the chat rooms and on to the streets.

But, seriously, if you exist right now...and your email address ends at @aol.com....you either havent checked your email since 1999 or you only eat hot dogs. mmmmm, mustard.




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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Blackout in Miami

Florida experienced a massive blackout today.

When the lights went out, I walked around downtown Miami to hear a handful of rumors. The streets were smoky, and smelled of fire. Between the library and the South Florida Historical Museum, a ventilator was billowing with black smoke.

“A generator beneath the library blew up,” said a man sitting on a bench, outside Government Center.

“The power’s out? Fine by me,” he said, pulling a hardback murder mystery from his back pack.

“I’m an I-T tech in that building up there. I’m still getting paid, so now I’ll actually be getting paid to do something I like,” he said, turning to the page where he had last left off.

Some cell phones were working, some weren’t. Various text-messages coming into my vicinity claimed a power outage from Daytona to Homestead. Still didn’t know why though.

A few hours later, we heard that Coconut Grove’s power was back on. Towards Biscayne’s skyline, the metro-rail could once again be seen traveling its singular course north to south.

In Overtown, we were still in darkness.

“It’s because we’re in the ghetto,” a coworker said.

But eventually, an hour later, our power came back on as well. Our boss told us there was a problem with FP&L, and that an outage had occurred from Tampa to the Keys.

Ever the cynic, I thought this would make the perfect case for FP&L to get their new power plant built in the Everglades.

My mom in Lake Wales said her power hadn’t wavered, but my brother in Melbourne had been sent home from work due to the outage. It felt like a hurricane except without the wind, the rain and destruction—just the pleasant disruption of daily routines across the state.

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Monday, February 25, 2008

Men are From Mars Women are from Middle School

My wife is a teacher at a middle school and recently, amongst papers that she had collected, she found a highly informative chart written by one of her students. The chart goes into detail explaining body language and how it relates to boys. It offers an insightful look into the inner workings of the female (middle school) mind. It is printed here in it's entirety:


You know all those little signs and hints that guys give you? Ever wonder what they all mean? Well......

A kiss on the:
hand means friendship
nose means you're cute
cheek means I love you
neck means I want you
ear means just joking
lips w/ 2 eyes closed means I am in LOVE with you

When He says:
Anyways, that means don't get carried away
Thinking of you, it means I miss you!

But remember you give off signs too!!!!!!!!!!

Holding his hand means I like you
Squeezing it means I want to kiss you
Putting your head on his shoulder means comfort me
Putting your hands on his waist means Never let me go.

My eyes have been opened. I only wish all those girls that i had kissed on the ear over the years knew I was joking. If only they had the opportunity to view this informative chart. So much miscommunication would have been avoided. But now it's posted on the net, for all to read and digest. Today the sexes grow slightly nearer to truly understanding each other.


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Post-Oscar Commentary

What a great night Sunday was. The Oscars could not have gone much better. Almost all of the winners were the 'should have wons,' and that's great.

Jon Stewart, a second time host, was much better this year. Better jokes, less awkwardness.

The two best moments were Marion Cotillard's win (watchable on youtube here, and pay attention to Cate Blanchett's response -- I love her) and when Markéta Irglová was allowed to come back out and deliver her thank yous. These moments are what make watching Oscars worthwhile.

Sadly I went 15-9 on predictions, which isn't too bad. Especially considering I guessed blind on both shorts, both documentaries, and a few other tech categories. I went 12-3 on what I claimed to 'know,' so I rule. I won't get over my underestimation of The Bourne Ultimatum. Oh, well.

Two years in a row where the best movie won Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Screenplay. Maybe the AMPAS has wised up after all. Here's to next year.

PS, there is a 'worst part.' America is out of taste with their movies, lots of people claiming they haven't even heard of the nominees. I'm going to restrain a rant, here, but something doesn't have to be 'popular' to be 'good.' In movies it's often the other way around. However, the general public being clueless means this year had the lowest number of viewers in 20 years. Sad? Yes, yes it is.

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Sunday, February 24, 2008

Oscar reminder

The Oscars start in about an hour and fifteen minutes. Just shooting out a reminder that I have some in-depth predictions posted from before.

Tomorrow I'll either look like a genius or a amateur, so we'll see. Happy watching!

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Friday, February 22, 2008

Yay, Development!

In today's edition of the Lakeland Ledger, an article reveals that Polk County is "outpacing both the state and national averages" in terms of population growth. The article provides population estimates and growth percentages for different cities in the county, and compares this growth to other counties in the state.

However, nowhere in this report does Mr. Rufty address the environmental costs of this growth, or whether this type of growth is sustainable and healthy for existing communities.

The so-called I-4 corridor is reported to have experienced the most growth, as it is developing into a bedroom community for employees in Osceola and Orange counties.

Is this something to be proud of?

East Polk is providing cheap land to large developers, and encouraging excessive commutes, suburban sprawl, and the environmental degradation that too much of this state has already experienced.

I understand that not every report will contain an analysis of how rapid growth impacts the environment and the quality of communities, but this article had a great opportunity to do so, and didn't.

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Big Brother -- a Week in Recap

I've never watched much reality TV before this year, but my roommate watches a lot of reality TV, so now I'm getting hooked. My gig is Project Runway, but for him, Big Brother is where it's at.

For those unfamiliar, I will just summarize that Big Brother is like MTV's The Real World, except people are voted out every week. Oh, and the show is on three times a week (Tues/Weds/Sun). The link for the latest season is here.

The interesting thing this season is that there are pairs, 'teams,' and everything is done in twos. Winning head of household, being nominated, and voted off. Everything in twos. What makes this interesting is that one real-life couple came on the show, and were paired with other people. And this week the couple was nominated, so regardless one would go home.

Thankfully the right decision was made. The girl (Jen), straight up, said, "Ryan [her boyfriend] is also a racist." Direct quote. Then lied to him about saying that. You don't think he'll watch this show eventually? Also Jen's partner, Parker, was just an idiot, so them being eliminated is good.

What's funny about this season is that there isn't a single pair in which both people are reasonable and likable. I really like Allison (Ryan's partner), but Ryan sucks.

Hopefully next week Amanda will go home. Watch the show for ten minutes and you will understand why. Not only does she have an annoying voice, but she talks more than anyone else. But right now everyone hates her, so maybe next week I'll be happy. Check back to see if I am.

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Other Problems the Military Can Solve for Us

If the US Navy successfully shoots down that falling satellite today, or in the next few days, I have a another suggestion that maybe they could handle for us.


Global Warming - OK, we get it, we are heating up the Earth. The ice caps are melting...don't have a conniption fit. Do something about it. And I don't mean solve it buy wasting more money purchasing fake inverted magic credits that save the world from your carbon. Or creating giant windmills that shred the living daylights out of every endangered bird in a 2 state area. I mean do something substantial.

SHOOT THE SUN.

Stop you say. Shooting the sun wouldn't work. It's too hot, it's too big, a single missile wouldn't do a thing. I've heard all the excuses. I'm sick of 'em.

Let's think positive for a second, and use our powerful human-type brains and stop asking stupid monkey questions. JUST LISTEN DAMNIT!
Step-by-Step Guide To Saving Us From Global Warming:

1. Four missiles will be located at 4 different silos worldwide.
- 1 silo in Moscow, Russia...right next to that building that looks like an onion.
-1 silo out of the secret opening top of the Capitol Building in Washington, D.C.
-1 silo that shoots out from underwater at the Great Barrier Reef (and hopefully kills one of those damn lethal crazy sharks. Those maneaters need to be stopped. But that's another article)
-1 missile launches from the Bush ranch in Crawford, Texas. A few thoughts on my reasoning: First, this is totally one of those ideas you could pitch to GeeDub and he would totally buy it. Can't you see the grin slowly stretching across his face.
Second, Can't you just picture George W. Bush throwing brush into the back of his truck, wearing his spotless Wranglers, a frosty O'Doul's in his hand, smile on his face, head titled back watching his awesome rocket flying away to save the world from a threat that he only recently even believed in. How's that for a legacy...KAPOW!

2. These missiles will be connected to one another by extremely long wires, all four corners connected. You might think that wires that long don't exist. I assure you, on that count, you are right. They don't exist...yet. We can do whatever we want, we are the same people that made crocs shoes. And we have to do this to save our planet. Anyways, I'm not going to bore you with the logistics of how the wires will be made, durability, flyability, etc. They just work.

3. Once the missiles are in orbit a giant reflective screen will be stretched out along those wires from the four points. The screen will be automatically deployed, shooting from near the nose cones of our rocket ships. Long story short, for an arbitrary period of time decided by the fancy scientists, we will point most of the suns rays away from earth, probably heat up another planet or something...that period will end when our missiles crash into the sun and partially blow it up. Even if it only blows it up a small part, it's awesome because that is bonus. The real important part is that we reflect the sun's nasty rays away from earth until we can fix this whole global warming thing.

US Navy...lend us a hand, please.

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Evolution Brings Youngsters to Jesus Camp

There is a common misnomer that Florida is not the bible-belt, that the Deep South ends at Georgia's southernmost border. However, when it comes to the debate of creationism vs. evolution, when it comes to science at all, this state appears insistent upon keeping students in the dark ages.

NPR and the Miami Herald ran reports today which included criticisms of the State of Florida’s science curriculum in public schools. We are hardly teaching science at all, it seems. And now, it has been mandated that schools teach the “scientific theory of evolution.” A mandate on evolution ought to mean an improvement, but pay special attention to the language of this ruling.

This means that a graduate of Florida’s public school system will go out into the workforce, the real world, college, etc., thinking evolution might have taken place, but that the evidence just isn’t all that clear to be sure—after all, it’s only a theory.

In other news, it has been reported that the number “four” is the theoretical sum of two plus two. Also in hot debates is the “scientific theory of evaporation” (formerly known as evaporation). It is being questioned as to whether a conversion from liquid to vapor actually takes place through “heating”. Other forces have not been ruled out as of this time.

Yes, the State of Florida launches astronauts into space, but no one actually knows how, or what this “space” thing is all about.

At least that’s the way some people make it seem. John Stemberger, a representative from pro-creationism Florida Family Policy Council, told the Herald these new standards go too far, and actually “unfairly muzzle teachers.” He went on to say mandating evolution will drive more families to home-school education. Anyone who has seen the documentary Jesus Camp will know why this is terrifying.

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