If the US Navy successfully shoots down that falling satellite today, or in the next few days, I have a another suggestion that maybe they could handle for us.
Global Warming - OK, we get it, we are heating up the Earth. The ice caps are melting...don't have a conniption fit. Do something about it. And I don't mean solve it buy wasting more money purchasing fake inverted magic credits that save the world from your carbon. Or creating giant windmills that shred the living daylights out of every endangered bird in a 2 state area. I mean do something substantial.
SHOOT THE SUN.
Stop you say. Shooting the sun wouldn't work. It's too hot, it's too big, a single missile wouldn't do a thing. I've heard all the excuses. I'm sick of 'em.
Let's think positive for a second, and use our powerful human-type brains and stop asking stupid monkey questions. JUST LISTEN DAMNIT!
Step-by-Step Guide To Saving Us From Global Warming:
1. Four missiles will be located at 4 different silos worldwide.
- 1 silo in Moscow, Russia...right next to that building that looks like an onion.
-1 silo out of the secret opening top of the Capitol Building in Washington, D.C.
-1 silo that shoots out from underwater at the Great Barrier Reef (and hopefully kills one of those damn lethal crazy sharks. Those maneaters need to be stopped. But that's another article)
-1 missile launches from the Bush ranch in Crawford, Texas. A few thoughts on my reasoning: First, this is totally one of those ideas you could pitch to GeeDub and he would totally buy it. Can't you see the grin slowly stretching across his face.
Second, Can't you just picture George W. Bush throwing brush into the back of his truck, wearing his spotless Wranglers, a frosty O'Doul's in his hand, smile on his face, head titled back watching his awesome rocket flying away to save the world from a threat that he only recently even believed in. How's that for a legacy...KAPOW!
2. These missiles will be connected to one another by extremely long wires, all four corners connected. You might think that wires that long don't exist. I assure you, on that count, you are right. They don't exist...yet. We can do whatever we want, we are the same people that made crocs shoes. And we have to do this to save our planet. Anyways, I'm not going to bore you with the logistics of how the wires will be made, durability, flyability, etc. They just work.
3. Once the missiles are in orbit a giant reflective screen will be stretched out along those wires from the four points. The screen will be automatically deployed, shooting from near the nose cones of our rocket ships. Long story short, for an arbitrary period of time decided by the fancy scientists, we will point most of the suns rays away from earth, probably heat up another planet or something...that period will end when our missiles crash into the sun and partially blow it up. Even if it only blows it up a small part, it's awesome because that is bonus. The real important part is that we reflect the sun's nasty rays away from earth until we can fix this whole global warming thing.
US Navy...lend us a hand, please.
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